I'm clearly bad at maintaining a blog.

    I'm obviously quite bad at maintaining a blog.  This isn't exactly the first time this has happened though- I have so many half-finished journals from years past, where I planned on keeping a journal and just failed to maintain it year round.  I even have one from this past year.  It was good until May.  Wonder why that is.  Am I a quitter?  I think I'm just someone who trails off, fades into the white, where no one will notice.  When it comes to resolutions, I seem to be quite bad at maintaining my agenda.  Maybe I should work on that...

    However, I'm feeling the need to maintain this now, because I need a place to write the things that are pooling in my brain, and have no outlet.  Because, I'm not going to finish the journal this year.  Because I'm a quitter in many respects, but this is one tiny thing that I can not quit at.  I have half-finished projects in my apartment that just need a little time, and at least three books that i'm half-way through.  (maybe 3/4 through).  Ahh!!!!  

I spent last week in Boston, and it was so amazing-everything looks more beautiful when you've been gone.  It was like visiting a long forgotten friend who gave me a hug that encompassed my entire being.  Coming off of the freeway, I was so excited- the sight of the familiar stores, the clean streets, the happy pedestrians, the glittering lights of the Prudential center, the geese in the fens- things that might have once annoyed me suddenly seemed to capture the essence, both good and bad of times since past.  I forgot all of the dark times in Boston, and instead felt an incredible warmth, as though all 4 of my past years were the most serene, peaceful, and wonderful years ever.  (they were certainly good though!)  it was so nice to see the people i miss so dearly, and to slide back to my old life- there are the same clerks at whole foods and jp licks and trader joe's, it hasn't snowed yet, and there's a certain quiet that permeates the city at night that always surprises me.  Sometimes I forget how wonderful it feels to be loved and loved intensely by those that really care and aren't afraid to say it, and i can only do my best to return that gesture.  i try to love boston, but i can't return the greatness it has given me.  it gave me the hope that the same happiness is possible for me again, even here now.  i may need to work at it, but i'm going to try harder.  nothing is ever easy, and authentic love is never fast.  all i need is a good pair of shoes and some eyeliner.

Listening to: tegan & sara- 'this business of art'