Returning from Quebec

What began as a musical trip that I was somewhat dreading ended up becoming a pretty great 2.5 weeks. Granted, I was really excited to be back in a country where I understand the language, and the daily meal does not involve pastries, but overall, my Domaine Forget trip served it's purpose. I left the ROC somewhat unenthusiastically, mostly because everyone else was still at school, graduating, moving, and spending time together, and I was signing up for 10 hours in a car to get to play the obscure Beethoven Quartets for two weeks.

It was really difficult the first week at Domaine-the location was beautiful and all of that, but I hadn't really practiced viola since my recital, and I was in one of those places where I wasn't sure I'd ever want to practice again. (I have since regained that desire, in the last week.) But initially, it was awful. I've always had a bit of a complex playing in quartets, simply because I have done it so rarely. I'm fairly inexperienced in that department, at least in relation to my other musical skills, and I always feel timid and stupid when I'm starting to play in a new group of people. So between the combined efforts of Ludwig Van, my own insecurities, and my lack of enthusiasm about classical music as an art form, the first week kinda sucked, not to mention the fact that most people were from Canada, and were a bit cliquey and that's stupid.

However, music seemed to work it's magic, or I was allured by the prospect of performing enough to get it together. As most of my closer colleagues and friends know, I rather enjoy performing. Not because I play perfectly, or anything like that, but because I love the adrenaline rush, and the feeling of connection with the audience. On a good day, a performance is like a continuum of energy between me and other people, and I feel this amazing rush of sound, feeling, and vibrancy through my body. The allure of that got me pretty excited about our quartet concerts, not to mention the fact that we were playing in a great hall, with good audiences. Once we got to Quebec city, I felt a lot better about my playing, as both a chamber musician, and as a violist. I knew that I wasn't the worst or best violist there, nor was I in the best or worst groups, and I just sort of embraced my groups for what they were and what Beethoven wrote. I am always amazed at how I can go into a zone of concentration and appreciation for pieces that I would never choose to listen to or play (Harold In Italy, Hoffmeister, 18/3...) and it was great. I listened to most of the Beethoven cycle in concert, since we were performing all 16 of them, and I had a pretty great time doing it. I still would rather have been to a contemporary quartet program, or at least a situation with a more diverse repertoire selection, but at the end of the day on Friday, it was amazing to realize that one dead white man wrote the diversity of repertoire that is known as the 16 string quartets. To know that a person can have so much diversity of emotion and expression is amazing, and it's difficult not to admire it, for what it is. It was also necessary for me to realize, once again, that I personally do have a knack for playing the viola, and it may not be a talent that lends itself to an epic musical career, but I do actually enjoy making music, and I forgot that for a while back there. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be in a band, or that I don't want to make green tea chocolate cupcakes as a part-time job-I definitely do. But no matter how I try, I can't erase this classical side of me, even if I want to. I've spent almost 18 years studying it, and it's as much a part of me as my arms or my feet. I needed to remember that, and for that, I am grateful.

Listening to: Florence and the machine

Beethoven, or why I don't want to be your friend.

In listening to the new mates of states' cover of "Laura", I can safely say that I am not ready to make new friends. After a day of festival bonding, I am totally drawn to isolation. I am all about being sociable and extroverted and all that, but I'm not ready to discard my old friends from Eastman. I'm still processing the rise and fall of my connections with them, and even though many of them are leaving Rochester by the time I return, I can't forge new friendships yet. I just want to hold onto the ones I have, and make them stronger. Maybe it means that I'm lame for not wanting to read quartets at night, but I just don't want to be just anyone's friend. I want to be your acquaintance, and maybe your colleague, but we've only got like 9 days, and I just am not in the mood yet to make new alliances. So I'll creep into the dark velvety abyss of the internet, where I can read articles about bands on pitchfork, read people's blogs, and listen to music. (Oh and look at etsy and regretsy, and everything else.)

I'm so proud of myself for even practicing so much in the last 48 hours, and being able to play quartets today, after my longish hiatus. After that, it's hard to be motivated to socialize in excess. (Speaking of the internets, I am pleased to announce that Beach House is touring with Vampire Weekend in the fall, and yes, I already bought tickets to see them in NYC in September, but they are also playing in Boston, which means that I could see them at home instead. Tempting, although it would be great to see them in radio city music hall. Either way, I'm super excited about seeing Beach House, and maybe I'll see them in June in Buffalo (6/20). Their album "Teen Dream" is really amazing. Check it out.)

music ideas in only a few words:

*the smiths can only be in small doses, like spicy food. otherwise, everything gets very hazy.

*joanna newsom's new album sounds like joni mitchell. that's a good thing.

*lily allen is a much better popstar than most. very witty, even if she's on a major label and has some over amplified sounds.

*sharon jones is amazing. kudos to her for rocking out in her 50's.

*i'm embarrassed to say that parts of the new moon soundtrack are very good. why did so many artists think they needed to contribute songs for the sake of emo vampire teens?

*i don't think i can ever be a purely classical musican. I keep having to work on some contemporary rep here to keep from losing my mind in Beethoven.

*i'm thinking about the handmade cookbook I'm going to send to grizzly bear, and i'm very excited. i'm also allowing myself to totally indulge in my popular music habits. it's summer, and i don't give a crap. obsession, take over.

(here's a new favorite from the new moon soundtrack: grizzly bear +lead singer of Beach House=slow success. not the best recording quality, but gets the just across. and p.s., i'm still waiting to meet daniel rossen on public transportation, and have him fall madly in love with my baked goods. hey, it could happen!)

Canada, Ketchup those chips, and How I always Get Lost

This past week has been a blur of activity, trying to do random errands in preparation for my epic trip to Canada, in the midst of chaos. Everyone else has been preparing for graduation tomorrow, but today, I am in Quebec City, where I will near for the next two weeks. It's been challenging to get pumped for a music festival so soon after my recital-I've been pretty slothful, and practicing has been mostly non-existent lately, for good reason. However, it is useful to be able to play the viola when one is attending a music festival in which chamber music is paramount. So I've been cramming Beethoven down my throat, which has been rough. (But I get major points for studying my quartet scores at my 7:30 AM car oil change appointment. I felt like such an esoteric bitch there with my matcha tea and my scores.) Anyway, it's been hard to be motivated because so many of my friends are leaving while I'm gone in Canada, and I know I won't see many of them again. Some of them are flinging themselves like confetti into the wide united states, and I will be going predictably to the east. I'm basically not ready to be in a summer festival situation. And I know I'll make this music festival work, and that once I get in the swing of things and feel like I can play the viola, I'll be fine. But for now, I'll timidly pretend that I'm prepared for this. I am so lucky to have turned my failed eastman experience around, and I am so fortunate to have such amazing, loving, and supportive friends and colleagues. I only hope that I can be as caring to those that I meet next, wherever I am.

Driven: 400 miles

Listened to: multiple NPR podcasts "all songs considered"

Conclusions: the xx album sounds all the same. the beach house album is solid and dreamy. sometimes, the folks at NPR have crazy ideas and i totally disagree with them. (hello, the best album of the year was clearly Grizzly Bear's "Veckatimest." Seriously. Or Animal Collective. But the xx? lame.)

Listening to: some of the new u.o. lstn mixes, some of my library acquisitions, and beethoven.