The Strange Overlaps Between Garp and Toy Story 3

Over the weekend, I finally saw Toy Story 3 at the cheapy theater in my neighborhood for a whopping $2.  Everyone had raved at the plot complexity, the cleverness of the toy references, and how it made them cry.  Strangely, my first reaction was a dismay at our trash system, and how things are thrown out that have no place in a landfill.  The infamous trash scene also reminded me of "The brave Little Toaster" and the animated, singing trash dump scene with the cars being smooshed into little boxes of metal.  I definitely enjoyed the movie, and it was absolutely worth my two dollars, but it almost made me sad about how much trash is in the landfill and how much we consume as people.   I guess there's always a little Wall-E residue in a pixar movie, and that was what I got from it at first.  Of course, there's a wonderful point about recycling your toys, even though one might want to keep things forever, there's more value in sharing, recycling, and reusing other's things, which I also like.  But the real clincher for me, was when Andy had packed up his room, and his mother started crying, and said "I just wish I could be with you forever."  Weird, how that got me the most, right?

I've just been rereading John Irving's famous epic 'The World According to Garp,' which is an interesting story about a man, his writing career, and his relationship with his mom and his children.  One of Garp's main paranoia's is towards his children-he runs after cars on the street to tell them to slow down, he rescues one of his sons from a sleepover with a sketchy mom, and he constantly fears for his children's lives.  Sadly, (or ironically) one of his sons dies in a mostly preventable car accident, and the other son loses an eye.  He is so caught up in his fears that he never looks at his own actions as causing danger for the kids, and he instead worries about the unknown, the "under toad" as it is referred to.  I can definitely identify with this fear and anxiety, as I'm often worried that my parents will have an accident or something like that.  As an only child, my parents are my only real family.  I'm not close with aunts or uncles or cousins, which has always slightly worried me, since my parents' eventual death will leave me alone in the world.  Garp's fears as a father are my fears as a child, and are Andy's mother's fears.  We can't control what happens in other's lives; we can't protect them forever, and we can't really tell them what to do.  I'm so happy that my parents have become much more healthy than they used to be-each of them has lost a significant amount of weight, and they eat a heavily raw plant and semi-vegan diet, which excites me, even though they would never call it by that label.  I still worry about them sometimes, but I know I need to let things unfold.  They can't be with me forever, and I can't be with them forever.  It's more about being present in the moments that you do have together, and letting people know you care.  That's the best I can do, at least.

listening to: the new arcade fire album

Good movies I saw over break that most people don't know about

One of the great things about break was that I had the opportunity to see some great art films that are had to have access to here in Rochester. Many people don't know these flicks, and all of them had issues of note (especially to jucispeakers). Here's what I saw and why they mattered:

A Single Man

This is the riveting and beautiful story directed by Tom Ford about being gay, being heartbroken, and being invisible in the 1960's. The story is basically a one-man Colin Firth show about the suffering he incurs after the sudden death of his partner (played in flashbacks by my personal favorite British hearthrob, Matthew Goode) It deals with some major issues in American conservative culture- how Colin Firth's character couldn't go to his partner's funeral, and the family didn't even tell him about it, as they didn't approve of their relationship. It's how being gay in America meant that you were invisible, that you lived in between the cracks, and that you had to defend your right to have valid relationships. The clincher in this comes with Julianne Moore, when she says that Colin Firth's boyfriend was just a minor dalliance, nothing loving and long lasting. This is the kind of the conflict that had to be dealt with- homosexual love is true and as valid as heterosexual love. We're still dealing with it today. Aside from absolutely stunning design elements, I thought it was a beautiful, albeit depressing movie, and I would recommend it to anyone who has affinities towards gay rights, Colin Firth, or the 1960's. (As as a side note, the movie also features the grown up Nicholas Hoult, the infamous boy from "About a Boy" as an amorous student.)

An Education

This is a really interesting movie as well, more for women's issues and education. A young girl's parents are very conservative, insisting that she only study and that she absolutely must go to Oxford. She isn't allowed to listen to music, or go to concerts, or have a life, until older man David takes an interest in her. David wooes her and her parents, and Jenny begins to think that her family obsession with Oxford is a little shallow and useless. Jenny falls head over heels for David and begins to slide in her studies, only to discover later that David was not all he was cracked up to be. At the end of the debacle, Jenny has to reevaluate her own desires, and decide whether she wants to be a wife or a scholar.

While occasionally a little racy, I did enjoy this film, and I thought it had lots of relevant woman's issues. After recently watching Julie and Julia, in which Paul Child was extremely supportive of Julia's endeavors, I had been curious to see how women in the 1950's and 60's were empowered or challenged. This movie gives both sides of this issue- Jenny is smart and hardworking, and is encouraged at school, however her parents deny her the possibility that cultural enrichment are useful in one's studies. When it seems that she might be marrying David, her parents say that she doesn't need to go to Oxford, which really upsets her. She doesn't understand why education was so valued when she could've just been married instead. At the end of it, she puts her own education first, above anything else, and learns more about her priorities than anything else.

Acting was good, with a screenplay by Nick Hornby, and featured some really beautiful and interesting scenes, as well as some really funny ones.

Precious

I'll say the least about this movie, since most people have heard of it. It's a heartbreaking story about a young woman who is illiterate, whose mother is abusive, and whose father raped her multiple times. (She already has one of his children and is pregnant with another one). She gets kicked out of normal school for being pregnant, and has to go to an alternative school where the teacher takes an interest in her and helping her. Precious learns to read and begins to understand that she can't be with her mother anymore. She leaves home and looks for somewhere to live after she has the baby, and looks for a new life, away from the one she has known so well.

Obviously, this one is majorly sad, because it's never fun to watch abusive parents at work, at least not in my experience. Mo'nique, as her mother, is amazing and terrifying, and for me, it was great to see her in a real movie role, as she was in "The Moesha Show" as well as many movies that I'd never see, such as "Phat Girlz." (need I see more?) This movie completes our triple header of movies because it shows how one's persistence can overcome great strife, both personal and gendered. Precious is told that she is stupid and will never succeed or be loved, and she knows that's not true by the end of the movie. While it's the ultimate tearjerker, it's also a very good, harrowing movie that will certainly make you reevaluate your problems.

listening to: sara lov

The Sublime and the tragic

I had a very stressful week, what with the women in charge wielding a heavy hammer at my ego and my soul. (Did I mention that my ego feels needy and weak? Like it should be breast-fed?) However, a few events of presto-change-o quickness got me out of my own little world, at least for two days.

1) Someone from my high school, a year older than me, just died of cancer this past week. It wasn't someone I was close with, but someone I knew- a popular boy who was always MVP for soccer and football and whatnot. His is the second young adult cancer death from my high school, and the third or fourth cancer diagnosis of someone under 23 that I've known. Scary.

2) My pianist extraordinaire, Futaba, made it to the finals of a huge major international competition, Concert Artists Guild! This is an amazing opportunity for her, and I'm so excited for her.

3) I found out that my teacher, Carol, was misdiagnosed for her tendonitis, and actually has a lot more than bone spurs growing in her arm. It is highly likely that she will have to undergo invasive surgery, and needless to say, she's pretty damn upset.

Anyone, I realized that even when I'm really stressed, it helps to realize that there's more than just me. Or at least, if I look outside my situation, it will make my plight look much better. (i.e. carol would kill to be able to play viola right now, and would probably weather any emotional storms to do it.) It's when we dwell so much on ourselves that we can only suffer in solitude that we really do internal damage.

Fortune and peace

I received a slightly distressing email from the Thich Nhat Hanh community on Sunday night which made me really appreciate TNH's presence at our retreat.

"During the recent retreat in Stonehill College in Boston, Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh) had a flare-up of a chronic lung infection. Upon medical advice, Thay is currently receiving a full course of antibiotics administered intravenously in the hospital. Fortunately his overall health remains strong. We are all very thankful for that. While Thay would very much like to join us here in Colorado, he regrets that he will not be able to be present. At this time, our full presence and our practice together as a spiritual community is the best way to offer our support to Thay."

It is my understanding that thay will travel directly to california to continue with the public tour after his treatment is complete. please do not worry and do your best to reassure your friends and sangha members that thay is in overall very good health and would like it if we would continue to be mindful and strong.

At the very end of our retreat, Thay did an interesting speech about how we are all connected, and how when someone dies, they do not ever leave this world completely. They leave parts of themselves in their friends, the earth, their community, their children, their books or art- the dead are always here, just in a different form. The way he discussed it made it clear that he was aware of fully comfortable with his own death, and that we, as practitioners, should be prepared for his death as well. Being reminded of this was a good reminder of wisdom and positivity, but also made me really appreciate that he was well enough to share his presence on my retreat.

When I lost my dad...at the library.

Yesterday was the final day of my Dad's 9 day visit here in the Roc. While most people my age would cringe at the thought of their parents staying with them, I actually get along ok with my parental units. My dad respects my need to practice, since he's a classical music fan himself (although he did ask me if I could play anything tonal for a change, since I only worked on Penderecki and Ligeti and Hindemith during his stay...), and he also made a point to spend a couple hours on his own every other day or so. I also did all the driving in the car (or most of it) since it is technically a car in my name and he's not in the insurance, and that was interesting. But anyway, I digress.

So yesterday, my pops said that he'd be in the library doing genealogical work and that I should meet him in 45 mins or an hour. So I practiced in my apt until then, and walked over the library, looking for him and checking out some books on tape for my summer roadtrip (montreal-orford-boston-roc). After waiting for 20 minutes without him, I went home. Now my dad is a very prompt and timely guy, he's not usually late for anything. And why would he be late in a city he doesn't know? It's not like he would see people he knew, and he'd been in the library before, so he didn't get lost in the 6 minute walk there. I was a little distressed, but I went home and decided to go to the gym for a bit, and maybe he would show up in my apartment.

An hour after our appointed meeting time, and he didn't show up. Very unlike my dad. I took an emotional shower, since I was convinced that something awful had happened to my dad (mugged, beaten, heart attack, etc. I mean, I DO live in Rochester...these things can actually happen) and proceeded to cry in the shower. I didn't know who to call- my mom in California? "Hi mom- uh, I lost dad. He disappeared. Love, kayleigh." Missing persons? Police? I just didn't know what to do, and I frantically got dressed and dried my hair, preparing for the worst. I hopped into my car and scanned the pedestrians everywhere- every white person with pants and a long sleeved shirt was my dad, and yet wasn't. I drove around the library area, looking for a parking place or my dad with no success in either arena. And finally, and hour and a half after our appointed time, he called me from a payphone. (my dad doesn't do the cell-phone thing. thus, losing him is a bit more complicated). He told me he was in the library and that he had decided to stop at his cousin's business (long lost cousin lives in Rochester...go figure).

All that time, I was mentally bargaining with myself. "I'll do anything to see him again, I hope he isn't dead, I can't handle losing my parents yet- I have no other family" I made plans about who to call, how to cancel my summer festivals, dropping out of school to move back home, etc. And what was it for? Nothing, thank goodness. When we are teenagers, we think our parents will live forever, and that we can fuck with them all we want. But as we grow up, we realize it is not so, and that everyone's time here is brief. After wanting to get rid of them for so long, it seems that we need them after all, and we can't bear life without them. I certainly feel that way.

So, cheers to all the parents in the world who are loved and are loving in return. Your offspring thanks you.

listening to: npr, prospekt's march by coldplay.

PS. some of this came to pass because one of my student's dads is getting cancer treatment. the dad often sat in on our lessons, and it made me realize that anyone can get cancer, any age-anybody's dad. the student is only 7 and has autism, and doesn't realize the gravity of the situation. i feel so badly for the family, especially the mother, who is shouldering the burden of autism and cancer, and i appreciate her, my parents, all parents in the world who are caring for their love, for their children, for themselves.

Only in Death

One of the things I have been thinking about since Michael Jackson's death is how we treat celebrities quite poorly in our society. While Michael isn't exactly a victim in all ways, the paparazzi have pretty much made his every move in the last 10 years a sensationalized freak show article, taking no notice of his strengths or positive acts. This reminds me of Princess Di's death 10+ years ago...why can't we just leave people be? Why do we have to suffocate them with gossip, hate, and lies? Even if they make mistakes, as all people do, why should I know about celebrity rehab that's meant to be kept private? I wouldn't want to share that information with too many people, let alone whole countries of people. I only hope that Jackson's legacy will be his music and his charitable acts in the 80's and 90's (pre-debt), rather than a series of scenes from South Park or pictures of Jackson doing odd things.

UP and down. A movie contemplation!

Last night, I saw the new Pixar movie, UP! and I have to say that it was an interesting movie.  I don't know that it makes my Pixar top 5 (which are, in no order, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, Toy Story, Wall-E, and Monsters Inc.) but it was a solidly interesting film.  In it, the main character, the grumpy old man Carl is mourning his deceased wife, who always wanted to live a life of adventure.  Yet, Carl feels that she died prematurely, before she was able to realize her dream of going to "Paradise Falls" in South America.  He feels that he needs to find Paradise Falls so that he can realize their shared dream, and complete her work.  Carl's quite unsavory for the first half of the movie, and snaps at Russell (the token pseudo boy scout) who miraculously ends up on his porch once he's lifted off with his balloons.  Aside from all the adventuring and 3-d graphics, there are some bigger issues that underpinned this film.

1) Carl is so caught up mourning Ellie (his wife) that he can't live in the moment, and he can't really communicate with other people effectively.  He is unable to accept her absence, and almost blames everyone else in the world for her death.  That's pretty heavy stuff for a children's film, and I honestly think it's very relevant.

2) Carl has regrets for Ellie's life, and constantly feels that they didn't live their life together to the fullest potential.  At a point in the film, he opens her childhood journal, where she had outlined the adventure to Paradise Falls, and "the stuff I'm going to do there."  He assumes that she never got to fill in the "stuff" part, since she never went there, but then discovers that she filled it with pictures of their life together.  She led her life with no regrets, and that her biggest adventure was really with Carl.  It didn't really matter that they didn't go to Paradise Falls- it was more that she had loads of smaller adventures with Carl.  When he realizes this, he's able to move on, and stop mourning her as much.  She writes in the book "Thanks for the adventure...Now go and find a new one!" 

3) When Carl and Russell finally get to Paradise Falls, they come upon a rare bird (that looks like a dinosaur) that an old explorer on the island is trying to capture.  Even though Carl idolized this explorer as a child, he realizes that this man will do anything to capture this bird, and isn't able to realize the importance of the bird's life or family.  Much like Wall-e, Pixar is able to subtly suggest an environmentalist agenda, i.e. being kind and helpful to all animals.  While Carl initially regrets that idea, Russell (the boy) is on a mission to help all animals, which reminds us to be caring and respectful to the wilderness and the animals there and here, in our own backyards.  

Overall, the film still has some odd plot holes.  (Like how come the dogs can talk?  How did Carl get all those balloons?  Why didn't he bring more on the journey?  How did they get to South America?  How come the adventurer guy is like 25 years older than Carl, and then they look the same age when they meet?)  But the messages of the film are still quite nice, as they usually are with Pixar films.

Currently listening to: the new Andrew Bird album.  Finally.