TNH Illness and more

I was perusing blogs and saw the letter from TNH about his illness, which was quite beautifully articulated. You can check it out here: TNH

One of the things that I am hoping for this year is that things will and can be better. I know that I am in charge of my own happiness, and that I should do my best to ensure that I am happy. Coming back to school makes me a bit nervous and frustrated, since I'd rather not be here. At the same time, I'm really glad that I don't have to relive last year again- I don't have to audition for ensembles, I don't have to take placement tests- everything is actually quite pleasant right now, I'd say. I've had a lot of fun having MJ stay here with me this week, we've had impromptu dance parties and we share all of our meals together, which is really cute. It's been a great way for me to transition back into the possibility of dealing with school and not hating it. My wrist/arm system has been a little sensitive this past week, probably because of the long break that I took (almost 2 weeks!) but I have hope that it will behave itself in a few more days. (Maybe I can get a massage!) I'm also trying to keep optimistic about all of the things in my life-teaching, school, classes, friends...it was so hard when everything fell apart last year, but I feel like that can't happen again, just by the laws of chance and whatnot. So here's to a positive new year at school, and a better year than last.

k

listening to: michael jackson, queen, and jens lekman

Religious Reticence

Let's face it- religion scares me. Not just any religion, but religions with scary implications, like Islam, Christianity, and Scientology, as well as any religious sect that tells its followers what to do precisely. As someone who grew up without any religion or religious background, I've always found Western religions to be somewhat puzzling, frightening, and intimidating. Here's some reasons why:

1) The sight of Jesus on the cross is a bit...well...frightening. There's a lot of suffering conveyed in that image- couldn't Jesus be a little happier? Why does he have to look so awful in every depiction, and why do people have to wear it around their necks? I know Christianity is about suffering, but it's about love too, isn't it?

2) Sunday school has always struck me as odd, even when I was a child and my friends went. It's a bit strange to have children color religious pictures and sing religious songs when they are not entirely aware of what's going on. I just never know what to make of it.

3) If religions are generally about love and care for other people, why do so few people practice that? Let's make a plan to do it, eh?Jesus was into caring, I bet Buddha was, and I imagine prophets didn't mind it as a principle.

4) It's always been hard for me to fathom scriptures where the body of text is fantastical, and yet people take it literally. I remember asking my dad once, 'so people really believe this stuff happened?' Now, I'm a little wiser, and I can see the metaphorical and symbolic beauty of these tales, but still...

Because of this experience with some other religions, I'm reticent to say "I'm a Buddhist." Or, "I just went on a Buddhist retreat." I find myself having to explain what I did or why I respect TNH because I don't want other people to think, "Oh, she's religious." That's a label with a lot of weight in our present day society, and it's not one that I'm ready to bear. I also feel like a sham because I'm not born into this philosophical phenomenon, and I almost feel like I'm stealing 1960's baby boomers' thunder. (Dharma Bums?) I myself have been able to get over this religious bias I have, mostly because I have met some truly wonderful, kind, and loving people of a wide range of religious backgrounds. While I would not necessarily want to subscribe to their religious beliefs, most of them have turned out ok in the long run, so religious-ness does not necessarily equate with "conservative-closed-minded-weirdo" as it does for so many. However, I realize that I am not exactly the norm in this thought process. Am I just a white yuppie from California "exploring" some hippie philosophy, or is it ok if this religious and spiritual tradition happens to resonate with me? I don't have the answers, and I don't know what to think of it.

For now, I'm a closet Buddhist.

Fortune and peace

I received a slightly distressing email from the Thich Nhat Hanh community on Sunday night which made me really appreciate TNH's presence at our retreat.

"During the recent retreat in Stonehill College in Boston, Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh) had a flare-up of a chronic lung infection. Upon medical advice, Thay is currently receiving a full course of antibiotics administered intravenously in the hospital. Fortunately his overall health remains strong. We are all very thankful for that. While Thay would very much like to join us here in Colorado, he regrets that he will not be able to be present. At this time, our full presence and our practice together as a spiritual community is the best way to offer our support to Thay."

It is my understanding that thay will travel directly to california to continue with the public tour after his treatment is complete. please do not worry and do your best to reassure your friends and sangha members that thay is in overall very good health and would like it if we would continue to be mindful and strong.

At the very end of our retreat, Thay did an interesting speech about how we are all connected, and how when someone dies, they do not ever leave this world completely. They leave parts of themselves in their friends, the earth, their community, their children, their books or art- the dead are always here, just in a different form. The way he discussed it made it clear that he was aware of fully comfortable with his own death, and that we, as practitioners, should be prepared for his death as well. Being reminded of this was a good reminder of wisdom and positivity, but also made me really appreciate that he was well enough to share his presence on my retreat.

TNH: Part 1

I wanted to do a series of posts about the things I learned at my retreat last week (or so) ago, so here's part 1 of Thich Nhat Hanh's brilliant insights. These are all distilled from dharma talks that TNH gave during the first days of the retreat.

*The present conditions are sufficient for happiness. We spend so much of our life waiting for a moment to come when we will be happy. "Ugh, I can't wait until I finish school/get married/get divorced/see my family/escape my family/get a job/etc." However, when we think that way, we are entirely ignoring the present moment and living in a time not present, either past or future. "I wish that our date/party/dinner/lesson/retreat/concert had been longer." We have little concept of how wonderful each moment is, and can be within ourselves. Suffering will always exist in our life, but we have a choice whether to indulge it or simply acknowledge it and move on.

*To cultivate happiness, you must leave behind your initial concept of happiness: it may be preventing you from accepting the present moment. If you release your expectations, then the present moment may be quite enjoyable, after all. Mindfulness can help you realize that happiness is here and now. Concentration can also be a source of fulfillment and joy, as well as mindfulness and insight.

*To love is to offer. What do you offer to others and to yourself? To love also means to "be there," to offer your presence. If you are not "there," how can you love or be loved? When mind and body are united, you can truly offer and receive love. When you are present, and you acknowledge another's presence, you are giving love and recognizing their love. Lastly, you can offer understanding. Every person wants and needs to be understood, and many of us thirst for that understanding from others. It's misunderstanding that leads to strife, fighting, and pain.

*One example of terrible misunderstanding is war. Terrorism is when everyone thinks "He's trying to kill me and I should kill him before he kills me!" However, these thoughts are from wrong assumptions, which can only be solved from listening and compassion, not guns and bombs. It's important to acknowledge the suffering of both sides in a war- those who kill must suffer in order to kill, and those who are hurt are often victims of an unpleasant government. Every sequence of events politically can be traced back to various harm from different countries, and everyone is to blame in causing the ills. Bush is not the only one to blame for invading the middle east, and we let him do it. If we tried our best to resist it, then we have done our best. However, everything and everyone is connected, and no one can be truly happy when others suffer so much in the world and one ignores it. (I don't think I explained that one too well!)

*So much of our day to day emotions are neutral or unpleasant, but compared to other moments in our life, should actually be quite pleasant. For example, when you are ill, you suffer so much, and you think, "oh, if only I could be well!" But when you are well, you rarely think, "Hmm, I am grateful for my lack of headache, grumpiness, congestion, etc." Putting our less thrilling moments in this context can make us realize the beauty of all moments.

One of the things I loved so much about the retreat was just getting to see Thay (TNH). He is so calm and deliberate in all of his actions, and it is as though he could never get angry with everyone. He is so aware of everything and everyone, and this comes through just in the way he walks and talks with everyone. Having read a few of his books, it was amazing to see how his ideas really work in a practical sense with monks and nuns and an intentional community of people. It made me realize that I need a sangha of practitioners, of like-minded people who want to make the world a better place through mindfulness, love, and understanding. I feel like I learned so much from my retreat, and I can't wait to join a sangha, go on more retreats, and read more of his works. Everything he says is so practical, yet so powerful. To acknowledge that war, strife, argument, and anger is all a consequence of suffering (both yours and the other side), is momentous. Just in these few highlights, one can see how to live life differently, how to appreciate every moment in a different view, and how to re-evaluate love. To those of you who have read TNH's stuff, I look forward to your insights, and I look forward to growing as a person in the world.

Currently: watching the new season of Flight of the Conchords! Listening to ipod on shuffle. Currently reading TNH's book "buddhist ethics for a new century" or something like that.

Thoughts on Love

Today, I have to return my Thich Nhat Hanh book "Teachings on Love" and rather than write down my favorite passages, I'm just going to string them on here, since that way, I won't lose them.  He's a brilliant monk, and his thoughts aren't necessarily Buddhist-specific, although they can be.  He's just quite insightful, I'd say.

"Happiness is only possible with true love...For love to be true, it must contain compassion, joy, and equanimity."

Some lovingkindness meditations:

"May everyone be happy and safe, and may their hearts be filled with joy.  

May all living beings live in security and peace, beings who are frail or strong, tall or short, big or small, visible or not visible, near or far away, already born, or yet to be born.  May all of them dwell in perfect tranquility."

"May I/he/they be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.  May I be safe and free from injury.  May i be free from anger, afflictions, fear, and anxiety."

"Never in human  history have we had so many means of communication- television, radio, telephone, fax, email, the web- yet we remain islands, with little communication between family members, individuals in society, or nations."

"We meed to know the art of making the other person happy.  Art is the essence of life.  We have to learn the art of creating happiness."

"If you think you are alone, that is an illusion.  Our smile is also the smile of others.  Our suffering is the suffering others.  To see this is the realization of no-self.  You can touch the elements of happiness that are already here and be peace in the present moment.  It depends on your way of looking.   Please learn and practice the art of mindful living, th

e art of being happy and bringing happiness to others.  This is love.  This is living deeply in the present moment.  We rely on you to do it."

I just happened to find this book very interesting.  I would recommend it to anyone seeking to change their perspective on love.  It might be too whacko for some, but I liked it. 

Currently listening to: Arvo Part's choral works and Brian Eno's Music for Airports.