Where Have I been?

Where have I been, you may be asking. Well, let me tell you what's been shaking:
October was crazy, to put it mildly. To be put in three orchestral cycles simultaneously, all why trying to play the Debussy quartet somewhat in tune, and occasionally practicing my own repertoire...just didn't work out all that well. On the optimistic side, I could say, "Hey!  At least you're playing with people and making a miniscule amount of money to be playing your instrument."  Yes, this is true.  And I am somewhat grateful for that.  But in the more blunt side of things, it means that I'm overextended, and that yes, there are still boxes in my room that haven't been unpacked.  And there are pictures that haven't been hung on the walls.  And I only can go to yoga once a week, in terms of time and schedule management.  It's kind of unfortunate, and I'm working on that.  It definitely makes me appreciate my limited time in Rochester, in which there simply wasn't enough to do, in comparison to here, where there's just too much to do.  It's a tricky balance, I suppose, and I'm definitely not balanced.  I have, however, been doing some running, with a medium amount of knee discomfort, and I don't suck at running as much as I used to, which is pretty darn exciting.  I bought some of those silly "Five Fingers" shoes, which were really helping with my knee issues, but now it's acting up again, and I'm not sure what to do except not run as much and make an acupuncture appointment.  We'll see.
I'm also a little overwhelmed in working to make Kim's concert series a success.  The way it is now, I'm having to answer to tons of different people in order to get anything done, and it mostly doesn't accomplish anything.  With that in mind, I'm starting to rely on other people less and less, and I'm trying to eliminate the weaker aspects of this partnership.  I think, at the end of the day, I just hate doing "group" projects when everyone isn't equally committed to getting things done.  I've always been a bit of a lone ranger-between the whole music thing, the single thing, the tennis/yoga/running, and my earlier-in-life-lack-of-friends, I've always just preferred going it alone, i.e. getting things done on my own, and telling someone else what needs to get done.  I don't mind team projects in principal, it's just that people often suck at taking initiative, doing what you agree needs to get done, or trusting in your contributions.  With that said, I've made some awesome progress with this whole "Music For Food For Music" endeavor, and I'm learning the ropes at wordpress to make our own website musicfoodmusic.com  (It won't show up yet-it's still adjusting to it's new domain!)  It's not fancy, I don't love the fonts, and I'm not paying for the subscription with the fancy CSS stuff yet, until I have someone who can help me, but it has all of the information on it, and I'm getting the gist of what I'm doing.  And most of all, it's useful to my life and career, but it's teaching me website design on a very basic level.  So ha.  Take that, world!

On an optimistic end, I'm playing some cool repertoire now, if I get around to practicing, and I'm feeling like I don't totally suck at the viola, which is awesome.  I'm also looking forward to playing with a Kirtan singer in Boston.

The News

So I've been neglecting the blog, or at least the blog as pertains to me life. Points of order:

1) Yay for health care! Down on all of those people who seem to think we're all going to be euthanized, or that Obama is planning on the next apocalypse. Chill the fuck out, people! Things are not changing that much- most of america will still be on private health insurance- they might just pay less. I realize that may conflict with your socialist, anarchist views, but the rest of us need something to take care of us when Marx isn't.

2) Yay for kicking into forearm balance on my lonesome!

3) Yay for going to Quebec in May, and spending some quality with the one, the only, MARY-KATHRYN. I got off the waitlist for Domaine, which means I'll get to do some intensive Beethoven quartet time, and some time in my favorite of all the Canadian provinces.

4) Yay for going to Toronto to see Vampire Weekend on Tuesday, even though I'm ditching ensemble and must get gravely "ill" to get out of it.

5) Yay for sunshine, boo for 30 degree weather.

6) Yay for deciding on going back to Banff in July. After having a tough decision between Banff and bang on a can, I decided on Banff, since the wilderness is calling to me. And it's cheaper.

7) Yay for some super sweet offers of my future:

a) Yizhak Schotten, the slightly nutty teacher of University of Michigan wants me to be his TA at this random summer festival in Santa Barbara. I played in a masterclass for him last week, and I guess he liked it. More details to follow.

b) There's an open teaching job at SUNY potsdam teaching viola as secondary instrument to Music Education majors, and Carol suggested I apply. It would mix up the whole "move to Boston" plan, at least for a semester, but it would be a sweet gig. ($12000+ for 1 semester) I have applied-we'll see what happens! (This does mean that I wouldn't move until January, if this happens...we'll talk, Ju.)

8) Yay for my new hot pink flats- $10 at urban. yes. they're awesome and you want them.

9) Two boo's for the fact that many of my friends are waitlisted at Banff, as I want to spend time with them. And boo for the fact that I have a shit ton of homework these days, and I'm playing a whack ass contemporary piece for someone, in which half the battle is figuring out the rhythm.

10) 1 boo for a difficult week of sleep, perhaps due to watching "Zodiac" on sunday night...

Total for the week: 8+ yays. a few boos. Overall, a successful week in the life.

Leaving

I'm driving to Boston today for a moderately humorous audition tomorrow for Yellow Barn, which I'm 95% sure I won't get into, but I'm trying to be optimistic about it being a "positive performance experience." In other words, I'm bullshitting. I'm also trying not to stress out too much, since being stressed has:
1) Made me lose my appetite and my ability to process food.
2) Made me tired all of the time, even after 8-9 hours of sleep.
3) Made me grumpy.
Hopefully, this weekend will diffuse my stress, or at least 6 hours in a car will do that? We'll see. In other news, I'm happy to see some friends in Boston, like Julia! And spend some time with her roomies, and be immersed in the liberal feminist mormon experience. So yes, this will eventually be a good trip, once I chill the f*ck out. (And why won't Itunes open? I haven't been able to open it for a week, which is unfortunate, and I can't update my phone or listen to Contra, except in the car. Suggestions appreciated.)

Shirking on my responsibilities

It's been really hard to keep up my blog now that I've been in summer festival mode for two weeks. Instead of pursuing my usual Kayleigh certified activities, like reading and cooking, I'm instead socializing, which does not lead to lots of time for writing and personal contemplation. So, I've been falling behind in my blog maintenance. However, I am having a fabulous time in Banff, and I feel no shame in practicing and listening to recordings in excess, as well as spending lots of time with people, since I'm usually such a recluse at school. Also, while being here, surrounded by Bostonians and NEC people, it reminds me how fabulous Boston is, and how fabulous it would be to live there again. I've often regretting coming to Eastman, and frankly, it's no surprise that I've regretted it, with the year I've had. But I have to do something after I leave Eastman, and perhaps that may involve Boston or another cool and exciting new prospect. I've been very privileged to study with Roberto Diaz and Roger Tapping here in banff-land, and I've learned loads from both. But really, I just think Roger Tapping is amazing, and he's the first teacher that I've experienced, either in masterclass, lessons, or otherwise, and said "Damn! I could really study with him and learn a ton! And we'd get along!" So, that's good to know. It's also ironic to me, because he's why I applied to Eastman, not Carol, although I've been delighted to continue studying with her obviously. So maybe there's a reason for me to return to Boston, besides excellent ice cream and yoga establishments, that is.

Currently listening to: Thao and the get down stay down

As I walked the empty streets, I was filled with the company of my memories.

As I walked the damp streets of Boston back to the apartment where I've been staying this week, I was alone in my thoughts and surrounded with the memories of years. In Harvard Square, I walked by Au Bon Pain, where I saw my dad eating dinner with me four years ago, and I saw my mom in the children's bookstore on the corner where Curious George makes his home. I saw myself at Border Cafe with different groups of people, going to Toscanini's for ice cream after orchestra concerts, going out before BPO concerts. I walked on the Charles river on Saturday, and I remembered walking with my father from Cambridge to Boston, one ambitious fall day, and I saw the hotel my mother and I stayed in when I moved to Boston 5 years ago. Taking the green line home reminds me of last summer and my daily commutes to Newton, and walking on Park reminds me of all the people who I've visited on that street. Some of those people have come and gone from my life-despite what facebook tries to tell you, you can't stay in touch with everyone from your past. People disappear over time from your life, and your shared memories are your gifts to the future and present. Friends move, people change, and you must have the wisdom to know when to hold on, and when it's time to let go. Sometimes, distance and change can keep people together, but other times, it is the wind which blows the sand away. Rather than cling to something that has long past, we can only hope that we will build new memories, with new people, and that those too may fade. But to have experienced them at all, is what is most important and most valuable.
I'm not at home in Rochester because I have no stored memories there, and even now, I feel like a visitor in a place I don't want to build memories in. I have a few moments of company here and there, but most of my memories inhabit the winding paths and brick buildings of Boston. They wait like ghosts in the caverns of my mind, and when I invite them in, they make themselves at home, until they too, slowly fade away, like the last goose flying away for winter into the dusky sunset.

Currently listening to: the Dodo's.