Some new classy craigslist personal ads

Here's a good one, m4w:Would-be James Bond Villain Seeks Femme Fatale for Plotting, Evil Deeds (Rochester, NY)

Hello, I am a professional male who feels his life's ambition is to build a volcano or underground base, gather minions and attempt to take over/blackmail/threaten outrageous acts of violence on the world. Help towards these goals is required.

As an affably evil gentleman of taste and status, I require an attractive woman, between 21 and 35 to act as my main lieutenant and potential love interest. Ability to seduce and kill potential rivals a plus, as well as experience with death laser repair techniques. Potential infidelity when dealing with a certain British spy is strictly forbidden. Must like cats (disregard- I’m allergic to cats). Evil yet attractive female scientists to build weapons of mass destruction also acceptable.

My hobbies include petting my cat while sitting on my chair plotting, just ordinary plotting, acts of international carnage and coming up with implausible methods to dispose of British spies.

Or another: Seeking Brain with those Boobs

Are you tired of guys just wanting to get to know you because you have a bodice-busting pair of breasts? Fed up with fellas who are only fascinated by your fun bags, but don't seem to register that there's a whole entire woman attached to those delectable double-Ds? Wish a really good guy could see beyond "the girl with the sizzling sweater-kittens" to find "the girl with the scintillating personality?"

Maybe I'm that guy.

Although I wouldn't bet on it.

Yummy: SWM looking for Cookware

I know this is the "Men seeking women" section ... but figured "Men seeking women's advice" would be a subset of this section .... so.....
I am a single male, don't entertain much, don't eat out much either. I am looking to buy some new cookware - pots and frying pans. I prefer the type with non-stick surfaces.I have had a habit of beginning to cook something, going upstairs to work on something and then coming back downstairs to see why the fire alarm is blasting away. Because of this, I've been buying cheap cookware as I end up buring it anyways.
I've discovered the concept of setting a little portable timer that I can clip on to my pocket and when it goes off I remember (within a minute or two) that I had something cooking in the kitchen.
This appears to be working somewhat and now I'm interested in buy some better cookware. So, I need advice on what cookware to get, something that is long lasting, and has a good non-stick surface.

And of course, my fav: Nice SWM who wears a girdle and a wig seeks single black or asian girl

Enough said.

Craigslist Personals Rochester: part II

On this illustrious first day of spring break, I thought I would use all of my extra time to 

A) take a "phatty" nap.  (i.e. 3 hour nap.) Granted, I went to bed after 3 and woke up at 8.

B) Read Craigslist Personals.  Here are some of the most recent winners:

"Looking for a Girl who fits my schedule."- The post had a small version of a spreadsheet schedule, and the instructions were "check out my schedule and see if we're a match."

"Looking for Girl with an awesome cell phone."- The post said, "Apple users need not apply."

"I want to bang a COUGAR!"- The ad then defined a cougar as an older woman who sexually pursues men 8 years or more her junior.  Then, there was a pic of a cougar (cat).

"Lookin' to plunder a fine booty...perhaps swab yar poopdeck too."- Ad then said, "I be settin' sail and need a first matey.  Wenches need only apply, no brutes allowed."

"seeking former hippie/hipster/twee." - "You will be the bonnie to my clyde.  Between 21 and 28, older than your age. Care enough about yourself to keep yourself in shape and thin. somewhat self-actualized.  likes paradoxes. vegetarian or vegan and not allergic to cats a plus.  maybe you've been mistaken for a lesbian because of your haircut."

"College Student seeking to get married for financial aid benefits." -Enough said.

"I am no longer a sushi virgin and thus I must post."- "The abstract horror of dealing with this whole survival of the fittest ideal is really getting me down. I'm tired of competing- Darwin had no love for those of us who just want to relax-enjoy the short years we have on this earth lying on the green grass looking for buddha shaped clouds in the sky...Won't you join me??"

And while I like to think that I'm an equal opportunity reader, most of the "m4m" ads are quite pornographic, with titles like "looking to suck your *(&^ immediately" and "Uncircumcised welcome."  So for now, we'll move on.  I'm only interested in highly entertaining ads-these don't cut it.  So let's look at "w4m"

"Country girl from heaven."- I'm scared.

"Seeking God-centered romance."-hmmm

"Must have teeth."- scary thought.

"Part teddy bear part butterfly."- Sounds like an attack of Lisa Frank zombies.  

"any veggie guys?"- that makes me laugh.

"musically influenced beautitian".  Sadly, she spelled beautician wrong.  

'Seeking abercrombie type of guy...with a personality." -good luck with that.

"Are you the cheese to my macaroni?"- I just had to put that in. The juno lover in me appreciated it.  In general, there were lots of posts with such words as social butterfly, teddy bear, angel, knight in shining armor, etc.  Scary thought.

And for the grand finale, we will be examining "w4w", a category I've never perused before.  I can't imagine that they would be as lewd as "m4m," but let's see.

"i'm like a waterfall!!!!"- I don't even know what means.  I don't want to.

"Why can't people read?"- I agree.  Good question.

"Wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."- LOVE it.

This was the category with the least ads.  But quality tops quantity, eh?  

I finished off the craigslist joy by perusing the "missed connections." There were some classy ads such as:

"Saw you at Wegmans", "You work at the Walmart Pharmacy," "Burger King window clerk," "In search of Cookie Nook cutie in Pink," "Sexy guy at library whering (sp!) grey white sweatshirt" (clearly she was at the library for a reason),  "Andrew the AAA tow truck guy-I miss you," and more.  

So what's the conclusion?  People

A) lack fundamental literacy and spelling abilities

B) are lonely (and quite possibly sex-deprived)

C)  are entertaining

D) post goofy ads so people like me can enjoy them.

In other news, I tried to make cookies, and instead got a congealed pile of cookie smush.  The dough was excellent though- I don't know what went wrong.  I made cookies with a different recipe yesterday with no problems.  

Currently listening to: my ipod's on shuffle this week, so I've been enjoying lots of tune-age.