Dying Gazelles that Meditate

I went for a run today.

Oh wait, let me clarify.  Before you get this idea of me in my adidas' finest, let me warn you that I'm a terrible runner.  I lack speed, I lack endurance, and I just lack.  Running makes me legs sore, makes me out of breath, and makes me heart feel like it will break, and not because it's full of love.  I look like a dying gazelle when I'm running- my shorts ride up, my bosoms bounce excessively, and if I was in twilight, then i would be the deer that the cullens devour.  I haven't gone running in almost a year, since my knee injury gave me an excellent excuse not to run.  now, you may be wondering why I would subject myself to running if it's something I'm not good at.  Running is the quintessential exercise- if you see an advertisement for fitness or fine athletic footwear, the protagonists are always running.  It's a testament to one's physical capabilities if one can run, and once upon a time, I could actually sort of run.  i love yoga, but i need to be hot and sweaty to feel good, and no other form of exercise kicks my ass as much as running .  So, running is like walking my yogic edge even though i hate it.   anyway, we'll see how it feels tomorrow, and if i can get out of bed...

lately, i've been quite fascinated with buddhism and meditation.  i hope not to become one of those stereotypical new-age wealthy white women who uses their disposable income to dabble in eastern philosophy and yoga while wearing uber expensive clothing and driving fancy cars.  but i do find it so fascinating.  i've never had a religion, and i know i could never subscribe to a sect of christianity.  there's something about most other religions that doesn't work for me.  I personally can't put my faith in deities at this point in my life, but I respect anyone's desire to do so.  I believe that all religions hope to give guidance to humans about how to conduct life, how to love, and what the purpose of life is.  if someone else can find that guidance in a religion with a god, then good for them.  if you can find the path to love and the capacity to share love, then you've found a good path for yourself.

What appeals to me about buddhism is that there is no god, no set of values that are automatically imposed on me.  i don't know if this is a stupid fleeting interest, but i hope it's not.  Meditating makes me feel so much better, whether about conflicts, others, or myself.  Any "philosophy" that suggests frequent meditation, and that endorses love, compassion, and care for all beings is so alluring.  I also feel like the buddha's teachings aren't really religious, but more like philosophical statements that can be applied to other religions and experiences.  The 'rewards' of buddhist nirvana and reincarnation are not really the goal, but can't hurt.  anyway, i'm considering going to a dharma talk and meditation this sunday at a tibetan buddhist center in rochester.  i'm a little afraid though, that i'll be perceived as a fraud, because i'm not exactly tibetan and i'm as white as white cheddar.  but it's time to try out things and be brave like a running gazelle.