It is never polite to ask someone extensive details about amorous escapades. Period.

In all new and fresh friendships, there comes a time when primal urges must be discussed, not necessarily because they are affecting the friendship, but because girls want to compare dating histories. They want to know who you've been macking with, who you've slept with, who you hate. But what if you have nothing to contribute to this conversation? Well, welcome to my life. For starters, I assume the position that it is never appropriate to prod someone about their love life, unless it naturally flows into the conversation. I take this stance on my complete lack of amorous escapades, and the abundance of awkward questions asked of me by others who do not know better. One thing that women and men don't realize is that not everyone has been loved before. Or even liked. my love life seems to have peaked at the age of four when a 6 year old liked me and tried to kiss me in the kiddie pool. he also took off his swim trunks and showed me his package, so his mental health is suspect. So when people now ask about my love life, I tend to trail off and find a way to get off subject. Here's an example of some of the great questions I have been asked in the last few years that I hate being asked:

"Did you have anyone at NEC, I mean since you haven't had anyone at Eastman?"- No comment

"Why haven't you had any boyfriends? Are you just too busy?" - Ok, this is the type of question that makes me want to scream. First of all, NO ONE HAS LIKED ME in the last 17 years. Seriously. I try to downplay this in normal day-to-day conversation, because no one needs to know this shit. But if you ask a loaded question like this, I am resisting the urge to either cry or hit you hard with your instrument. I am not turning people down, so to speak. I was never asked to a dance in high school, I have never been asked out, I have never been on a date, I have never been liked by a heterosexual male. Period. This is a concept that the serial dater simply can't fathom. And as an afterthought, I have to add that I have been hit on by women, but I simply am completely unattracted to women. I think I have enough bosoms for more than one person, and I have never been attracted to chicks ever. If I could have someone care about me, I would. I am not too fucking busy. It's just how it's been, ok? So don't ask that question.

"Oh, man, I haven't had sex in a year. Being single is so hard."- No comment

See? People can be awful sometimes. Rules for life:

1) never ask someone you only know minimally about their love life. if you know them well, they'll tell you about it. if you don't know them well, they probably don't want to talk about it.

2) don't EVER ask someone why they don't currently have a boyfriend. it's not like you can buy boyfriends at the supermarket next to tampons and soymilk and aluminum free deodorant. it just doesn't work that way, folks.

3) if someone has a boyfriend, that does not give you license to prod them about their relationship unless they volunteer it.

4) if you discover that your conversational buddy does not have a lovelife or a history of amorous escapades, that does not give you license to discuss all of yours in detail.

5) Oh, and never discuss your sex life with someone you're not super close with. It's just awkward and unnecessary.

Maybe I'm a bit sensitive to this subject, but I hate hate hate when people ask me questions along these lines. I hate this whole part of my life, frankly, and I hate having to admit to the world that I've never been fancied. I've been told that I need to change; that I need to dress better, that maybe it's because I have acne or I'm not super thin. But frankly, I don't think it matters. I will never be thin or beautiful, and if that's something that will forever prevent me from being liked, then so be it. It's not my fault that I am who I am, and I don't want to be told otherwise.

The Case Against Animal Rights?

(On facebook nowadays, everyone's opinion is thrust at you through status updates, which is basically like twitter, but for those without the urge to update every 10 minutes. You get all sorts of updates- things that you understand, messages that make no sense, and updates from people you rarely see or dislike. This is one of those situations.)

One of my former "kids" from the youth orchestra I managed at NEC is really conservative...and spends a lot of time online. Earlier this year, I made sure to eliminate her from my "feed" but facebook is sketchy and it doesn't always work. I mostly was just tired of seeing her count down (daily) to the end of high school or her rants about Obama or non-Christians. But today's made me chuckle.

"How about we start treating humans better before we even start thinking about animal rights?"

Here's what I think: Well, sweetie, let's treat all beings with respect. Let's be nice to humans, even liberals, and then we can talk. I truly do not believe that humans are not necessarily "above" all other creatures on earth, therefore making it difficult for me to justify hurting those other creatures. Even if you think Buddhist and Hindu concepts of reincarnation are bollocks, one can't deny that humans tend to destroy the earth, whether that includes humans, animals, plants, or other naturally occurring live-forms. If we only focus our efforts on humans, and get rid of the desire to save endangered species, stop poor treatment of factory animals, or stop the fur trade, then we are indulging in selfishness and forgetting about the interconnectedness of all beings on earth. Most of the animals that need "rights" are endangered by us. Humans. So maybe people who advocate for the earth or for animals or for the green movement DO care about humans- they're just more interested in undoing the hundreds of years of damage that we've done through industrialization and lack of ethics. But let's stop having wars, stop gangs, stop bombing people, change our immigration policies, improve the economy, teach people to make do with less, and then we can not just be animal rights activists, but life activists. Because it's all connected. All life is special, whether it be a mosquito, a human, or a gopher.* And it's our job, as the creatures with the biggest tools, to help everyone out, whether fuzzy or human. It's the wilderness explorer way.

*(I saw a gopher today in the grass!!!!)

listening to: the top albums of '09: st vincent, grizzly bear, animal collective, dark was the night.

Quickie Post

     I'm thrilled to be going to Boston tomorrow, for Merrick's wedding and for general social contact with friends and civilization.  With my very small group of friends here, sometimes I forget that other people like me too!  I'm thrilled to see everyone that's around, and I only wish everyone was there, which is virtually impossible.  Anyway, here's a quick thought before I travel.

Everytime I drive outside of Rochester, I notice the plethora of roadkill, and I often think of the animal's family or offspring, or whatever.  Maybe it's weird, but I feel awful when I see a mammal smooshed, its limbs splayed in the moment of impact.  Raccoons, possums, deer- I feel for them.  I often say a little lovingkindness prayer, just because I see so many dead animals each week.  To teach, I drive 3-4 hours a week, mostly in the outskirts of Rochester, where there are lots of animals, and less humans.  If I feel this way about roadkill, you can imagine how I feel about war, hate, and the like.  I don't understand why I feel things so intensely that other people can just shrug off.  It's not just animals, it's everything.  When I see someone I don't know who looks gloomy, I feel sad too.  If I go to the supermarket, and the person who checks me out is my parents' age or older, I feel badly that they don't have a lucrative job, or that they couldn't retire already.   Or if I go to a standard retail place like the Gap (ugh!) or H&M, and someone working there is between 40-60, I wonder how they can support a family or other people with dubious wages.  Sometimes this sensitivity to others emotions gets me in trouble, when other people want to be closed off, or don't want empathy.  But at its simplest level, I just don't understand why others can't feel what I feel, or want to be compassionate to others on a larger level.  Maybe that's a mystery of my life.

Listening to: Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks.   Am currently preparing for the mega drive tomorrow, with LOTS of tunes.