"Oh-and now you have time to find a boyfriend?"

     About a month ago, one of my neighbors moved out and he saw me in the elevator, and asked what I was doing for the summer.  I guess he specifically was more interested in who I might be dating this summer, because he claimed that someone in the building had a thing for me.  And I told him that I was busy and not exactly on the prowl for a guy.  His response, "You probably have more time now to find someone."  I was polite at the time, but a voice in my head was screaming, "No! No! You evil ass!  Women do not NEED significant others at all times."  It was certainly an awkward situation, only made more awkward because my neighbor has told me on more than one occasion that he would've asked me out if he was single.  (Minor detail: I'm NOT interested and never was.)  But fundamentally, there was a bigger issue at hand: women do not need men in order to be successful or happy.  Just because I'm single does not mean that I'm looking for love.  It's not that I'm opposed to romantic intricacies, it's just that I don't feel a compelling need to be on the prowl.   

     As someone has been single for most of her life, I absolutely detest when people still think that women can't be independent and successful, and if you are independent and successful, then you're a lesbian, a man-hater, selfish, or not interested in ever having a family.  But I'm none of those things, and most likely, neither are you!  It would be nice to have a significant other, but it's not a requirement.  Seriously.  

    In one of my children's books, "Sisters Grimm: The Everafter War," Snow White is talking to one of the Sisters Grimm.  (The Sisters Grimm are the long lost descendants of the Brothers Grimm and they live in a place called Ferryport Landing, where all fairy tale characters are real and living together.  Snow White is engaged to Prince Charming, but doesn't want to marry him.  She is the resident self-defense teacher, and here she explains why she can't marry Prince Charming.)

"I won't marry someone who has to take care of me.  I'm going to take care of myself.  I have to prove to myself that I can, again."

(Snow White was attacked by BlueBeard, and was petrified, and couldn't use her self-defense techniques, which made her furious with herself.)

So no, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, Mr. Neighbor.  If one fell out of the sky, I wouldn't refuse him, but I'm not, nor have I ever been, in need of a man to get me through the day.  I've done just fine for the last 22 years.

Listening to: the new Grizzly Bear album.

independence?

what does it mean to be independent?  i feel like there's a fine line between independence and solitude, and i don't know where the line is.  is there a limit to how much i should pursue my own agenda without heed to other people?  can my own successes mean something without a relationship with someone else?  i'm not really sure.  while society bombards me with mixed messages about independent women who are also good housewives, i'm not quite sure what it all means.  i wonder sometimes when the time is when too much aloneness means you're a recluse, rather than an 'independent' spirit.  at the same point, being solely dependent on other people means that you're incapable of dealing with yourself, which is a more frightening matter at hand. images of feminism and the role of women in society have been percolating in my brain, thanks to jucispeak, and it's making me question the more 'liberal' roles for women that are supposedly endorsed.  

how can women reconcile their nesting and child-birthing hormones with their desires to pursue their own dreams?  how can they appease their families and their own consciences that may simply say 'you cannot be loved like this' or 'you're not trying hard enough'?  i'm sure other people have this problem- it's just been in my mind more lately because of my friends who are getting married/engaged and the issues that they are presented with.

currently listening to: somebody still loves you, boris yeltsin.