after the break-up (with harold, that is)

Now that the excess snot has been expelled from my nose, I have so much space in my head...for thinking! Actually, I think I just have the space to not be stressed right now. Now that immediate and important concert/audition deadlines are minimal, I feel like I have so much time-to do everything! It's quite exciting. Granted, I haven't been seriously shredding my excerpts for my New World audition in two weeks. Nope, not at all. I know it's just a post-Harold bliss fest, especially since I was really sick for the two days after, but I also realize that I need to get it together. I'm also seriously chiseling away at the stack of work due this week. *Nothing says nerd like doing Baroque performance practice homework on a Saturday night, right?* But seriously, I know that my chances of getting into nws are slightly slim, slimmer than my man calves, and it's hard to get motivated. I also found out that roger tapping wants me to come to nec, which has sort of sapped my energy for the audition.

(Yes. I'm wanted and liked by more people than just carol and erin kirby! Score! He sent a very polite and entertaining email that was like "I really enjoyed your audition and hope you're interested in coming. I'm working with admissions to make your official offer, but I do rather hope you'll consider coming." Duh.)

Anyways, yay for me! Out of six applications, I may have gotten four rejections, but so far, one very important tentative acceptance.

In other news, I'm experiencing the yoga resurgence. My arms/wrists have been very cooperative as of late, and I've been going to 2-3 classes a week, and I've realized how much I miss yoga. Yes, I can do it at home, and sometimes, I can get really focused and have a good home practice. But sometimes, I've just longed for a warm, supportive community and an inspiring teacher, and I've finally found my home! One of the teachers I liked at another studio just opened her own studio, and it is my new home. When I initially moved to Rochester, I was really disappointed in the yoga scene. I was younger than most of my fellow yogis by 20 years, and well, that was a bit odd. Whereas Boston was this thriving yoga and yoga lifestyle community, I felt like I stood out a bit, with my interest in challenging poses (even if I can't usually do them) and my hope in getting some good perspiration along with my inspiration. Now I've realized again that you can learn something from all teachers, depending on your openness with the situation. I've found that anusura gives me the length and the stretch that my body aches for, without putting me through the sun salutation paces or making me feel incompetent because I can't do weird ass poses. While I don't know if I can practice anusura forever, I really appreciate the spirituality of the poses and the focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't. When I look at myself, it's easy to see the things I can't do, but I never feel like I'm out of my league in class. I don't get scared that the teachers won't be able to modify, or that I'm not wearing cool and awesome lululemon tank tops like my classmates. (They're just wearing tee-shirts and are probably post menopausal and don't care). While I was allured by the beauty, the athleticism, and extremity of the Boston yoga community, I don't need to do crazy ass poses to get the benefits of yoga. I can't do a lot of them anyway, with my wrist, and that's just fine. I'd rather beast the viola than support my slightly overweight body on my paws. But my body and spirit have been aching for tender loving care, and my spine has been growling for liberation, and I've finally answered that call. My spine is sometimes a bratty selfish child, and yoga usually placates its churlish ways. While I can still revere the beauty of a lululemon model or the complex tattoos revealed on someone's bare back while doing a handstand, my practice has evolved from that. Maybe yoga is something for upper class, wealthy, beautiful women, but I want to do it too, and I don't need my finest duds to do it. I can just come as I am, and if that includes wearing a beautiful tank top, that's great, but if not, I'm still having the time of my life, even if it'll never get me into yogajournal.

listening to: smashing pumpkins