It's that Time! Rejection Fest 2010!

Yes, it's rejection fest 2010, folks! While I may have scraped by with just a total of 6 pfol's it is not time for my friends to get the same experiences that I have been coping with since January.

PFOL: please f*ck off letter. AKA: a rejection letter. Anyway, it's time for the summer festival rejection season to reap its damage on the innocent, the naive, and the well-intentioned musicians of the world.

Fact: most festivals have less money=less acceptances=more applicants=more unfortunate outcomes

Fact: most professional music related things are as much political as they are audition based. (I can't prove this one with money, just with experience.)

Fact: Each PFOL chips away at one's sense of self-worth and ability to ever succeed at music. (i.e. "If I can't get into festival X, I'll never get a professional job with orchestra XY.")
The question I want to ask is, "Do these festivals realize that so many of us tie our sense of self-worth with our ability to be successful in this front? Do these people know that hearts are broken because of this?" And I suppose more pertinently, "How can we, as the sometimes rejected, keep up our sense of self-worth when we are constantly rejected from festivals/programs/more?"
I can't answer any of these questions, and I can't allay our frustration with rejection. I can only hope that what I do, what you do, and what we do together, is a meaningful and worthwhile thing, and that it makes the world a better place. We also have to know that there may be a time when what we want in music is simply not possible. And that is a heartbreaking thing to realize, but we may have to address it eventually. When do we acknowledge that point? The tipping point between dreams and reality? I don't know-perhaps when it feels right. On one hand,it seems like one could go on forever and apply for things and never keep hoping for success, that one hidden acceptance, but at the same point, would you be very happy during that search? When does one reconcile external and internal states of happiness? You can be very happy when external things are succeeding, or be very solid internally, spiritually, when music things suck. Perhaps we have to acknowledge that these two realms are independent, but in the end, we are only our internal selves, not our external selves. Our happiness and worth as a human being should not depend on what we are accepted into, or rejected from, it should be the things we do in the world, and the way we act.
While I'm still bothered by the outcome of some of my auditions, we have to keep on, and remember that somebody still loves us and that we don't totally suck at life.

PFOL count: 6
Yale
Colburn
Prussia Cove
Yellow Barn (it was only a matter of time)
The Academy
Community MusicWorks

Self-worth: 8/10.

Currently listening to: Owen Pallett (aka. final fantasy)