Pro's: He's a great teacher, it's a super strong string program, I could make some excellent connections for life after school in Boston, and I would probably have some good performance opportunities and teaching opportunities. I have many friends who would be at NEC, which shouldn't sway things, but it does anyways. I'll be in Boston, which is a dream come true between choice markets, great shows, yoga, etc. It's what I've been missing these last two years.
Con's: Money-I'd have to take out $20 thousand in loans. Being in school-do I really want/need to be in school in order to learn and be a better musician? Do I really want to stay in the day to day grind of mandatory events like orchestra and occasional class? Is school really the only way to make professional connections in Boston? And, of course, the clincher-what do I actually want from classical music, as a career?
This last bit is perhaps the most troubling, since I don't exactly know anymore. I mean, I've never really "known" what my 30 year plan is, professionally, but I've had great spurts of activity and inspiration, which led to brief flirtations with musicology, college teaching, and orchestral jobs. None of those really hold true now (today, although that may change) although I am still very much interested in teaching as a facet of my career. Though for now, I think I've heard enough suzuki twinkles for this calendar year. In an entirely fictional life plan, in which cost and connections are no object, I would like to be a versatile musician-I'd like to play with a few bands, play in a contemporary music ensemble, teach, and possibly teach yoga or do baking. However, I haven't exactly got the logistics of that dream worked out. The question that Molly asked me last week was apt," the question to ask is what do you want to do with your life and how will the gd help you get there. if it won't or you can't answer the question, it's not worth it."
Can I answer that question, what to do with my life? Yes/no/sort of. What will the GD do for me? It will make me a better violist and teacher. It will give me more professional connections in a place that I might actually want to live in, unlike Rochester. It will give me some really performance opportunities that have been severely lacking here in Upstate New York Hell. But really, do I need to be in a viola performance incubator to just get better? Is going to school for a bullshit degree just a stupid way to buy time before actually dealing with careers and life? Yes. Definitely.
It's been a tricky thing lately, because I've been getting such conflicted commentary on the matter- I know it's still an honor of sorts to get into NEC, even if I went there before, and I know that there are other people who would love to go there and can't. I also know that the money is definitely an inconvenience now, but that there are other means to paying it off and that I won't be saddled with the debt for life. Carol thinks going back to school is a dumbass idea. On one side, I agree. However, I do worry about what exactly I'd be doing with myself if I weren't in school-many of the local orchestras have auditions in the spring now, and I don't know that I could get a decent enough job, teaching or otherwise, to pay for rent and life, or that I'd have time to practice. Carol also is operating under the view that I want to get a doctorate right away, which is definitely not the plan. Or that I could stay in Rochester and teach for a year, which is possibly the worst idea ever. I know my mom's a bit worried that I'll just lose my viola chops if I'm not in school, or that I'll be working a dead-end job and lose my musical aspirations, although she's not exactly the best source on musical career knowledge.
Between pressure from friends on both sides and everyone's continued advice, I'm torn as to what to do. I still haven't heard back from some of the random things I applied to for next year, so things are a bit up in the air, but a part of me feels like I should just send in my deposit tomorrow, and deal with the consequences later. Or just not go if some awesome thing happens in my life. Completely rejecting the offer is a bit terminal, and that scares me. Deferring is still a possibility, and I still haven't found out if RT would give me lessons if I wasn't in school. All two of my options scare me right now, and I never would have guessed how difficult the decision would be. However, many of my friends have offered the advice that, "whatever you decide to do will be the right decision." I hope they're right.
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