It is never polite to ask someone extensive details about amorous escapades. Period.

In all new and fresh friendships, there comes a time when primal urges must be discussed, not necessarily because they are affecting the friendship, but because girls want to compare dating histories. They want to know who you've been macking with, who you've slept with, who you hate. But what if you have nothing to contribute to this conversation? Well, welcome to my life. For starters, I assume the position that it is never appropriate to prod someone about their love life, unless it naturally flows into the conversation. I take this stance on my complete lack of amorous escapades, and the abundance of awkward questions asked of me by others who do not know better. One thing that women and men don't realize is that not everyone has been loved before. Or even liked. my love life seems to have peaked at the age of four when a 6 year old liked me and tried to kiss me in the kiddie pool. he also took off his swim trunks and showed me his package, so his mental health is suspect. So when people now ask about my love life, I tend to trail off and find a way to get off subject. Here's an example of some of the great questions I have been asked in the last few years that I hate being asked:

"Did you have anyone at NEC, I mean since you haven't had anyone at Eastman?"- No comment

"Why haven't you had any boyfriends? Are you just too busy?" - Ok, this is the type of question that makes me want to scream. First of all, NO ONE HAS LIKED ME in the last 17 years. Seriously. I try to downplay this in normal day-to-day conversation, because no one needs to know this shit. But if you ask a loaded question like this, I am resisting the urge to either cry or hit you hard with your instrument. I am not turning people down, so to speak. I was never asked to a dance in high school, I have never been asked out, I have never been on a date, I have never been liked by a heterosexual male. Period. This is a concept that the serial dater simply can't fathom. And as an afterthought, I have to add that I have been hit on by women, but I simply am completely unattracted to women. I think I have enough bosoms for more than one person, and I have never been attracted to chicks ever. If I could have someone care about me, I would. I am not too fucking busy. It's just how it's been, ok? So don't ask that question.

"Oh, man, I haven't had sex in a year. Being single is so hard."- No comment

See? People can be awful sometimes. Rules for life:

1) never ask someone you only know minimally about their love life. if you know them well, they'll tell you about it. if you don't know them well, they probably don't want to talk about it.

2) don't EVER ask someone why they don't currently have a boyfriend. it's not like you can buy boyfriends at the supermarket next to tampons and soymilk and aluminum free deodorant. it just doesn't work that way, folks.

3) if someone has a boyfriend, that does not give you license to prod them about their relationship unless they volunteer it.

4) if you discover that your conversational buddy does not have a lovelife or a history of amorous escapades, that does not give you license to discuss all of yours in detail.

5) Oh, and never discuss your sex life with someone you're not super close with. It's just awkward and unnecessary.

Maybe I'm a bit sensitive to this subject, but I hate hate hate when people ask me questions along these lines. I hate this whole part of my life, frankly, and I hate having to admit to the world that I've never been fancied. I've been told that I need to change; that I need to dress better, that maybe it's because I have acne or I'm not super thin. But frankly, I don't think it matters. I will never be thin or beautiful, and if that's something that will forever prevent me from being liked, then so be it. It's not my fault that I am who I am, and I don't want to be told otherwise.