Playing Make-Believe

One of the things I observed in Banff, which I thought was really odd, was people who act superficially or obnoxiously to hide a more sensitive artist underneath. Ironically, the string players at banff who acted this way were from Juilliard, which I thought was entertaining. Why are people so afraid to reveal what's underneath when it comes across so clearly in their commitment to music? One of the violists went from one extreme to the next- obnoxious and joking in one moment, and taking copious notes during masterclasses, and writing notes on the essence, nature, and origin of art. Why bother to hide those things? Or one of the cellists who was unsavory and obsessed about boys and self-image, only to reveal her darkest places while playing? Why not be the authentic person that you are already as an artist, a creator, and musician, and discard the boring shell of what you "should be"? The people you really want to know will see through your crap, and the people you befriend in your sycophantic persona will be mere shadows of their true essence. If you are committed to music, or art, or love, then you come through in your work, revealing your insecurities, your sorrows, your passions. If your music doesn't speak your true self and you have no deep connection with music, then you're wasting everyone else's time, and your own, worst of all.

listening to: poulenc, ligeti, and watching FOTC with my dad