When I lost my dad...at the library.

Yesterday was the final day of my Dad's 9 day visit here in the Roc. While most people my age would cringe at the thought of their parents staying with them, I actually get along ok with my parental units. My dad respects my need to practice, since he's a classical music fan himself (although he did ask me if I could play anything tonal for a change, since I only worked on Penderecki and Ligeti and Hindemith during his stay...), and he also made a point to spend a couple hours on his own every other day or so. I also did all the driving in the car (or most of it) since it is technically a car in my name and he's not in the insurance, and that was interesting. But anyway, I digress.

So yesterday, my pops said that he'd be in the library doing genealogical work and that I should meet him in 45 mins or an hour. So I practiced in my apt until then, and walked over the library, looking for him and checking out some books on tape for my summer roadtrip (montreal-orford-boston-roc). After waiting for 20 minutes without him, I went home. Now my dad is a very prompt and timely guy, he's not usually late for anything. And why would he be late in a city he doesn't know? It's not like he would see people he knew, and he'd been in the library before, so he didn't get lost in the 6 minute walk there. I was a little distressed, but I went home and decided to go to the gym for a bit, and maybe he would show up in my apartment.

An hour after our appointed meeting time, and he didn't show up. Very unlike my dad. I took an emotional shower, since I was convinced that something awful had happened to my dad (mugged, beaten, heart attack, etc. I mean, I DO live in Rochester...these things can actually happen) and proceeded to cry in the shower. I didn't know who to call- my mom in California? "Hi mom- uh, I lost dad. He disappeared. Love, kayleigh." Missing persons? Police? I just didn't know what to do, and I frantically got dressed and dried my hair, preparing for the worst. I hopped into my car and scanned the pedestrians everywhere- every white person with pants and a long sleeved shirt was my dad, and yet wasn't. I drove around the library area, looking for a parking place or my dad with no success in either arena. And finally, and hour and a half after our appointed time, he called me from a payphone. (my dad doesn't do the cell-phone thing. thus, losing him is a bit more complicated). He told me he was in the library and that he had decided to stop at his cousin's business (long lost cousin lives in Rochester...go figure).

All that time, I was mentally bargaining with myself. "I'll do anything to see him again, I hope he isn't dead, I can't handle losing my parents yet- I have no other family" I made plans about who to call, how to cancel my summer festivals, dropping out of school to move back home, etc. And what was it for? Nothing, thank goodness. When we are teenagers, we think our parents will live forever, and that we can fuck with them all we want. But as we grow up, we realize it is not so, and that everyone's time here is brief. After wanting to get rid of them for so long, it seems that we need them after all, and we can't bear life without them. I certainly feel that way.

So, cheers to all the parents in the world who are loved and are loving in return. Your offspring thanks you.

listening to: npr, prospekt's march by coldplay.

PS. some of this came to pass because one of my student's dads is getting cancer treatment. the dad often sat in on our lessons, and it made me realize that anyone can get cancer, any age-anybody's dad. the student is only 7 and has autism, and doesn't realize the gravity of the situation. i feel so badly for the family, especially the mother, who is shouldering the burden of autism and cancer, and i appreciate her, my parents, all parents in the world who are caring for their love, for their children, for themselves.