Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A potentially new and cleaner home

I've opened a tumblr account, which I've been considering for months, once I realize that blogger's formatting was clunky, especially for media.  I've also not been desiring to write as much, but i have plenty of pics, videos, and musings to share, and I think this might be a better place for that.  It's called the daily lettuce, of course.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Let's Be Honest

Let's be honest, folks-this new year has definitely sucked.  In more ways than I would like to count.  I spent the first 6 weeks of my miami time trying to get people to realize that I was still there-that I wasn't just a regular sub, and yes, I was here last week and the week before that.  I've finally got that covered-over half of the orchestra has stopped completely ignoring me in the hallways, and that's a relief.  Granted, I still spend many of my evenings by myself, and I don't get invited to do things all that often, but at least I'm not being ignored every day like the first few weeks.  It was really hard to leave Boston mid-school-year, and then join things down here mid-season, and not get properly introduced to anyone.  On one hand, I don't blame people for ignoring me-I always sit in the last two stands of the viola section, I don't have a mailbox, or an ID card, I'm not in the programs, and I'm never in anything special, in terms of smaller ensemble stuff.  I'm sort of in limbo-I have one of the teeniest rooms, and I'm permanently viola #7-8, depending on the week.  (This week, two people are absent, so I no longer have to sit directly in front of the trumpets, and I'll be viola #6.)  I was pretty much socially fucked down here, which was even more frustrating because I live in a dorm, in which everyone knows everyone else's business.  So I could hear lots of other people being social, but I was (and mostly am) not still part of it.  I had just spent a few fabulously busy, stressful, and socially awesome months in Boston, in which I was very comfortable, working with teachers that I'd known for many years, and having friends from different parts of my life.  (NEC undergrad time, eastman time, new NEC friends, banff friends, etc.) It was actually pretty excellent, in many ways, obviously not in all ways though.  I wasn't practicing enough, I was working too much, and I was eating sporadically.  I just didn't feel that great about my playing (and I still don't) and I know now that I need to actually work on that part.  To leave such a comfortable environment, complete with a lovely mischievous cat, made January hellish, at best.  February came, with promises of Boston, which were still excellent, despite many unforseen hurdles (friend's grandmother dying, mediocre auditions, weird interactions with some of my friends).  The trip back from Boston was hard-I cried the evening before I left, and not just because I was having drinks with friends.  I knew that this time, my trip to South Beach was the long hall-a good 12 weeks, and I wouldn't see most of my good friends for that entire duration, and quite frankly, that scared the crap out of me.  All of these things combine to make me moody and sulky, and perplexed about how to make things better.  I've  taken the first step though-I've let New World know that I'm not returning next season, and that I'd like to finish my b.s. degree at NEC.  And boy does that feel good.
I know that happiness is as much a state of mind, as well as a reaction to current events.  You can be happy in shitty times, and you can be sad in what would be construed as awesome times (me! me!).  I'm working on that, as best I can.  Now I can see the light at the end of the sunny tropical tunnel, and I know that everything will be ok.  Yes, there are still some very rude and snarky girls here, and there are still a good 15 people that completely ignore me, no matter what the situation.  However, I'm ready to deal with that, and I'm ready to deal with myself-my issues, my occasional performance anxiety, and my fears.  (more on that another time).  It's time to make this South Beach time about me-it's definitely not going to be about anyone else.  It's time to work on some musical projects that will really make me happy, to set goals that will make this situation more bearable, if not pleasant.

Musical Goals: learn and record violin phase (duh, on viola) by May
learn a few movements of Kurtag 'signs, games, and messages'
start serious work on the Bach D Minor Violin Partita!
perfect the tricky Garth Knox pizzicato etude
have a few lessons with Ralph Fielding

Life goals: run a 5k in march, run a 10k in April or May
yoga class 2-3 times a week
Work on gaining confidence in audition and performance situations

and lastly, believing in myself, and my worth as a human being.  Sappy, but always a relevant problem for me.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Beautiful Video, Beautiful Clothing

For some reason, this video really struck me.  I'm not sure exactly why or how, but the clothing is really neat, and it's crazy to think that the girl is only 12-13.  

Friday, February 25, 2011

I think I've lost it!

Yes, Katy Perry brought me to tears.  I've definitely lost my marbles.  And it's only 1:55 PM.  Darn you, top 40 sappy songs!

on the bright side, my credit card is paid off!  Now to start saving those dollas for the summer and possible yoga teacher training!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Come on 2011!

Come on, 2011!  Why does everything about you have to suck so bad?  It's like Eastman all over again.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I can definitely relate to this...

I read this piece the other day and I realized that most people are infinitely better to hang out with while drunk or drinking.  And that some people I'm friends with, I only want to see after a drink or two.  On the other hand, some people really do annoy the hell out of me when they're drunk.  It can go both ways.  The bottom line though, was good.  And I agree.

Most people you find attractive are not necessarily people you can spend a lot of time around. Getting drunk has the effect of turning any occasion into a party, though, and looking back, it can also do that with people. I always knew that alcohol made me feel so much more interesting. What I hadn't fully realized is how it made other people so much more interesting. When I think about successful dates from the past now, I wonder whether we were just fooling each other.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011