When I lost my dad...at the library.

Yesterday was the final day of my Dad's 9 day visit here in the Roc. While most people my age would cringe at the thought of their parents staying with them, I actually get along ok with my parental units. My dad respects my need to practice, since he's a classical music fan himself (although he did ask me if I could play anything tonal for a change, since I only worked on Penderecki and Ligeti and Hindemith during his stay...), and he also made a point to spend a couple hours on his own every other day or so. I also did all the driving in the car (or most of it) since it is technically a car in my name and he's not in the insurance, and that was interesting. But anyway, I digress.

So yesterday, my pops said that he'd be in the library doing genealogical work and that I should meet him in 45 mins or an hour. So I practiced in my apt until then, and walked over the library, looking for him and checking out some books on tape for my summer roadtrip (montreal-orford-boston-roc). After waiting for 20 minutes without him, I went home. Now my dad is a very prompt and timely guy, he's not usually late for anything. And why would he be late in a city he doesn't know? It's not like he would see people he knew, and he'd been in the library before, so he didn't get lost in the 6 minute walk there. I was a little distressed, but I went home and decided to go to the gym for a bit, and maybe he would show up in my apartment.

An hour after our appointed meeting time, and he didn't show up. Very unlike my dad. I took an emotional shower, since I was convinced that something awful had happened to my dad (mugged, beaten, heart attack, etc. I mean, I DO live in Rochester...these things can actually happen) and proceeded to cry in the shower. I didn't know who to call- my mom in California? "Hi mom- uh, I lost dad. He disappeared. Love, kayleigh." Missing persons? Police? I just didn't know what to do, and I frantically got dressed and dried my hair, preparing for the worst. I hopped into my car and scanned the pedestrians everywhere- every white person with pants and a long sleeved shirt was my dad, and yet wasn't. I drove around the library area, looking for a parking place or my dad with no success in either arena. And finally, and hour and a half after our appointed time, he called me from a payphone. (my dad doesn't do the cell-phone thing. thus, losing him is a bit more complicated). He told me he was in the library and that he had decided to stop at his cousin's business (long lost cousin lives in Rochester...go figure).

All that time, I was mentally bargaining with myself. "I'll do anything to see him again, I hope he isn't dead, I can't handle losing my parents yet- I have no other family" I made plans about who to call, how to cancel my summer festivals, dropping out of school to move back home, etc. And what was it for? Nothing, thank goodness. When we are teenagers, we think our parents will live forever, and that we can fuck with them all we want. But as we grow up, we realize it is not so, and that everyone's time here is brief. After wanting to get rid of them for so long, it seems that we need them after all, and we can't bear life without them. I certainly feel that way.

So, cheers to all the parents in the world who are loved and are loving in return. Your offspring thanks you.

listening to: npr, prospekt's march by coldplay.

PS. some of this came to pass because one of my student's dads is getting cancer treatment. the dad often sat in on our lessons, and it made me realize that anyone can get cancer, any age-anybody's dad. the student is only 7 and has autism, and doesn't realize the gravity of the situation. i feel so badly for the family, especially the mother, who is shouldering the burden of autism and cancer, and i appreciate her, my parents, all parents in the world who are caring for their love, for their children, for themselves.

A plan for Rochester

I have been rather fortunate to spend the last 9 days with my d.o.d. (AKA. dear ol' dad). We had a bunch of fun mini-adventures, both to Finger Lakes wineries (good Rieslings and Gewurtz), Toronto, Niagara Falls (did I mention the heart shaped bathtub in our room???) and last, but not least, Rochester. We had a delightfully delicious dinner last night at Lento, my favorite restaurant here in the Roc, complete with a delicious carrot cake ice cream sandwich. It has been so wonderful to have him here, because it prevented me from hating Rochester, especially in comparison to beautiful Banff, Canada. Together, we have been discussing the merits and faults of Rochester from a city-planning standpoint (he's a city planner) and a more objective 'compare-with-southern-california' kind of way. Here's what we came up with:

1) Rochester does not lack for historical buildings. Too bad most of them are empty. Architecturally, the city has a lot to offer, and in the case of its revitalization, has a lot of potential for growth and redevelopment. The current problem is that those historical buildings are deserted, and in order for the city to change and develop, developers need to come in and invest in these buildings and neighborhoods, rather than build parking lots. That leads us to #2.

2) Rochester has too many parking lots. One can only imagine how many historic buildings have been destroyed to create sad badly-paved parking lots that only derive their income from daily/monthly parked cars. On the weekends, the parking lots are deserted-homes for questionably dubious people, such as vagrants and the homeless. I wonder if the city could buy back some of these lots and use them to create green spaces, small parks, new buildings, or housing. On to #3.

3) Downtown Rochester sucks. If you visit any of the other suburbs, their downtowns are cutesy and quaint, with refurbished buildings, and Ben & Jerry's, and funky colors, and blah blah blah. But Downtown Rochester sucks. Why? Because NO ONE lives here. Except me, and a couple of other students in the Chestnut Apartment thingeys. One of the major planning blunders of the 20th century is a lack of housing in the downtown- when people live downtown (Boston!!! NYC!!!!), businesses grow and thrive to fit the need. When downtown cities are built entirely of businesses, the downtown has no weekend or night scene, and will therefore not attract a wide range of clientele. The best combination is to have businesses and housing, working together in a mixed-use environment. What Rochester planners could do is to expand the housing in my area, while also encouraging retail development in the neighborhood. The mall should either be demolished or replanned. Housing? New developments? Larger retail, like Wegmans? If we had one large retail investment, like Wegman's, in the downtown, the clientele would certainly change.

4) The suburbs of Rochester are doing well economically, but have sucked the life out of the city. As more and more people move away from the downtown, the less interest people have in the city of Rochester. The best retail is in the suburbs (Victor! Pittsford!) and the challenge for the city is to bring people back into the city, to live and play.

5) Kodak crashed. Rochester has long been dependent on the Kodak company, which is unfortunate, since the company has majorly failed. Since the entire economy of the city depended on Kodak, the company's demise negatively affected the city in a very direct and long-lasting way. (Kodak failed recently because of its reticence to join the digital wave, about 15-20 years ago. It has been struggling to catch up ever since, and the slow decline of traditional photography hasn't helped either.) What Rochester needed was to be independent of Kodak, so that the city wasn't inextricably intertwined with one company, which is always dangerous.

6) City Planners in Rochester need to make a clear plan for the city's future: What do we want Rochester to look like in 10-20-30 years? How can we make that a possibility? How can we revitalize the downtown? How can we lure more upscale businesses into the area? How can we bring more people into the area? These are questions I'd like to see answered and addressed.

On the bright side:

1) Rochester has some great buildings.

2) Rochester has some beautiful natural opportunities: the river, the falls, an abundance of green foliage in the summer and spring.

3) Rochester has some great culinary and wine opportunities: some great restaurants, the Finger lakes wines, and an array of local farms can bring local, fresh, and organic produce to the forefront. Could the area have a culinary school? Maybe.

4) Rochester has some really committed neighborhoods: the Artwalk area, South Wedge, and other communities come together to create public art, farmer's markets, and other community building endeavors. Maybe we can have some more?

5) The university is a source of major publicity and press for the city, as is the george eastman house. Maybe these two organizations can make more of an effort to be involved in the community, and garner more support for the arts.

These are just a few of my observations, and I'll put some pictures up soon, once I attach my camera to my computer...

Playing Make-Believe

One of the things I observed in Banff, which I thought was really odd, was people who act superficially or obnoxiously to hide a more sensitive artist underneath. Ironically, the string players at banff who acted this way were from Juilliard, which I thought was entertaining. Why are people so afraid to reveal what's underneath when it comes across so clearly in their commitment to music? One of the violists went from one extreme to the next- obnoxious and joking in one moment, and taking copious notes during masterclasses, and writing notes on the essence, nature, and origin of art. Why bother to hide those things? Or one of the cellists who was unsavory and obsessed about boys and self-image, only to reveal her darkest places while playing? Why not be the authentic person that you are already as an artist, a creator, and musician, and discard the boring shell of what you "should be"? The people you really want to know will see through your crap, and the people you befriend in your sycophantic persona will be mere shadows of their true essence. If you are committed to music, or art, or love, then you come through in your work, revealing your insecurities, your sorrows, your passions. If your music doesn't speak your true self and you have no deep connection with music, then you're wasting everyone else's time, and your own, worst of all.

listening to: poulenc, ligeti, and watching FOTC with my dad

Shameless geekiness

I have just found the book describing my entire love-life and all that I am attracted to: "Geeky Dreamboats." Seriously. I must buy this immediately. I mean, what's not to love?

Redeeming Aspects of Rochester

My dad is visiting me for the week, and as an exercise in optimism, I'm trying to think of some of the more redeeming elements of Rochester. Here are some of my favorite places, and places I'd like to check out:

FOOD

1) Lento: I think this restaurant is awesome. Not only does it feature local and organic foods and drinks, it also has excellent deals on weeknights and really choice vegetarian fare at a reasonable price for a fine dining establishment.

2) Orange Glory: While it is not as close to Eastman as java's, it boasts a fare superior sandwich menu. They make their own veggie burgers and have combinations such as eggplant-roasted pepper, garbanzo bean burgers, and more. And did I mention that the cookies are delightfully soft and delicious?

3) Sticky Lips: Aside from having a slightly kinky name, this BBQ joint features excellent sweet potato fries as well as a host of unusual veggie options in addition to a wealth of meaty delights. Broiled tofu, anyone?

4) Thali of India: Due to Talia's suggestion, this makes my top list of ethnic edibles here in the ROC. It's just your standard example of good Indian buffets and a wealth of choices.

5) EcoBella: Why is there a vegan bakery in Rochester, of all places? I don't know, but I like it. It also features a wealth of gluten-free options, and their chocolate brownies are excellent.

6) 2 Vine: An excellent place for elite drinks, as well as posh French food. A bit pricey, but garlic mashed potatoes, creme brulee, and wine are usually worth it.

7) Cibon: I'm never disappointed here, and I can always depend on good salads and pizzas. Desserts are also good, and Friday night drinks can be quite good here as well.

8) New Health Cafe : I believe this replaced the old "Atomic Eggplant" that I ate at 5 years ago, but I'm not sure. Either way, it's always good to support your local businesses, and this one is as local as can be, with the owner often coming to talk to you. Also has a buffet.

ATTRACTIONS, mostly that I haven't experienced yet

1) Highland Park: I discovered this park in March on a stroll through South Wedge, and I've enjoyed seeing it flourish in the spring and summer. It's also close to EcoBella, which is key.

2) George Eastman House: I know, I know, I just haven't been around to see it. I've played there, but I haven't really soaked up the potential.

3) Genesee River and High Falls: I think this is worth seeing, but I'm not really sure.

4) Memorial Art Gallery: Definitely haven't been there, which is slightly entertaining, since it's so close.

5) Mt. Hope Cemetery: A beautiful and old cemetery in South Wedge near U of R.

6) RoCo: Rochester Contemporary Art stuff. Aside from being across the street from Eastman, I have never managed to go in. I think I should check it out.

Odds and Ends: These are stores and places that I support or that I go to often

1) Abundance Co-op: A 15 minute walk from my house, and it is a small little store that has most of my vegetarian needs. Sometimes things get a bit pricey, so keep watch of what you're buying.

2) Rochester Community Acupuncture: I love this place, and I love acupuncture. It's a sliding scale, so you pay what you can, and I've been really pleased with my experiences there. Also located in the South Wedge near EcoBella.

3) South Wedge Farmer's Market: A small farmer's market located behind Boulder Coffee, which features local produce and some organic selections, as well as raw dairy products and freshly prepared dinner items.

4) Lakeshore Record Exchange: A good place to get new alternative releases as well as peruse the used stuff.

5) Java's and the Spot: While neither has excellent food or drinks, they are dependably mediocre, and are a great place near school to meet people and hang out.

Wishlist:

1) Better recycling throughout the city, as well as recycling binds throughout pedestrian areas.

2) To Feel safer at night, and see more people out and about

3) A Whole Foods or a trader Joe's.

4) More independent businesses, less Wal-Mart's and the like.

5) Redevelopment and better city planning.

Expecto snotum! ( a new spell to disarm congestion)

After a 12 hour trip from Banff, Canada, I came home congested, famished, and disgruntled. The minute the plane landed, I felt the sinking feeling of hopelessness and loneliness that has peppered my time in Rochester. The airport was desolate, a monochromatic landscape of gray- closed restaurants, bathrooms under construction, and cleaning people on duty. We waited for a taxi for ages, the cool wind reminding us of places we've been and people we've seen. As we rode in the backseat of the cab, we passed dilapidated houses with metal fences surrounding them, and the occasional teenager on the prowl. Goodbye mountains, goodbye trees, goodbye earth. I have returned to the concrete industrial jungle of despair and darkness, but I must breathe in the hope that I have experienced. While my windows look on the broken asphalt of desolate parking lots, I imagine a beautiful view of trees and elk, or geese and grass. These are the things I must do now. The glittering darkness threatens me, and the city sucks the happiness from me, like Harry Potter's dementors. But I can be strong, and remember what I've seen, what I know is waiting for me, if not tomorrow, then the next day or the next. I will not fall prey to the darkness that so quickly threatens me, and I will triumph.

Shirking on my responsibilities

It's been really hard to keep up my blog now that I've been in summer festival mode for two weeks. Instead of pursuing my usual Kayleigh certified activities, like reading and cooking, I'm instead socializing, which does not lead to lots of time for writing and personal contemplation. So, I've been falling behind in my blog maintenance. However, I am having a fabulous time in Banff, and I feel no shame in practicing and listening to recordings in excess, as well as spending lots of time with people, since I'm usually such a recluse at school. Also, while being here, surrounded by Bostonians and NEC people, it reminds me how fabulous Boston is, and how fabulous it would be to live there again. I've often regretting coming to Eastman, and frankly, it's no surprise that I've regretted it, with the year I've had. But I have to do something after I leave Eastman, and perhaps that may involve Boston or another cool and exciting new prospect. I've been very privileged to study with Roberto Diaz and Roger Tapping here in banff-land, and I've learned loads from both. But really, I just think Roger Tapping is amazing, and he's the first teacher that I've experienced, either in masterclass, lessons, or otherwise, and said "Damn! I could really study with him and learn a ton! And we'd get along!" So, that's good to know. It's also ironic to me, because he's why I applied to Eastman, not Carol, although I've been delighted to continue studying with her obviously. So maybe there's a reason for me to return to Boston, besides excellent ice cream and yoga establishments, that is.

Currently listening to: Thao and the get down stay down

Only in Death

One of the things I have been thinking about since Michael Jackson's death is how we treat celebrities quite poorly in our society. While Michael isn't exactly a victim in all ways, the paparazzi have pretty much made his every move in the last 10 years a sensationalized freak show article, taking no notice of his strengths or positive acts. This reminds me of Princess Di's death 10+ years ago...why can't we just leave people be? Why do we have to suffocate them with gossip, hate, and lies? Even if they make mistakes, as all people do, why should I know about celebrity rehab that's meant to be kept private? I wouldn't want to share that information with too many people, let alone whole countries of people. I only hope that Jackson's legacy will be his music and his charitable acts in the 80's and 90's (pre-debt), rather than a series of scenes from South Park or pictures of Jackson doing odd things.