Thursday, January 27, 2011

Gala Darling

In the midst of a crazy week down here at NWS-opening hall, concert every night, rehearsal every morning...you get the idea, coupled with super stressed out people, I've been indulging in a new blog.  It's not actually new to the world, just new to me, and it's technically called "the playgirl's guide to radical self-love."  As a design, it's a little girly.  It's a lot girly, in fact, with pink and rhinestones and pictures of the author in crazy clothes and things like that.  But in fact, it's a very interesting blog, with some solid content on it.  Basically, the whole premise of the blog is to talk about "radical self love" which is a fancy way to say "women need to get some serious self-confidence and not be down on themselves."  The author is a 26 year old New Zealander, and while it does go into the self-help arena in many ways, and draw on self-help leaders such as Byron Katie, it manages to be relevant and fun without being too spiritual or dogmatic.
     While I don't know if I want to stay here in Miami Beach for an extended period of time, I'm really loving this practice vacation.  Yeah, it's still socially awkward with the fellows, but I'm having a great time with the subs who've been here all month, and that's great.  And more importantly, I'm having time to work on myself.  I've been feeling better about my worth as a human being and a woman for the past two years, but it's a definite work in progress, and I'm starting to feel the rewards of my work, after so many years of feeling bad about myself.  (And so I guess I'm an advocate of radical self-love too!)  For some tidbits to jump-start your self-evaluation, look at this post from last year's Valentine's Day, and think about how you, or someone you know, could start loving themselves a little bit more.  One of my favorites is this Eve Ensler quote:
“You have to give to the world the thing that you want the most, in order to fix the broken parts inside you.”


And for something a little sillier, here's one of my favorite youtube videos right now: 




It makes me just want to subscribe to Kanye's twitter feed, just so I could get lines like "I make awesome decisions, in bike stores."  Or "french fries are the devil."

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I'm Beginning to Be Ok here.

I'm conflicted about being here, that's for sure.  It's very strange, in many ways.  It's like a socialogical study in strangeness, when it comes to the people, but it's such a lovely ensemble to play in (aside from the fact that I've probably had considerable hearing damage from the past 3 weeks, and I have to wear earplugs through most all rehearsals less I have trombone/trumpet caused ringing in my ears) and it's an amazingly beautiful city and area in most ways.  I sometimes get really frustrated with the people and the whole social situation, which is pretty much dysfunctional in the highest.  I've had conversations with many people in the orchestra, and even though I live and see them every day, they don't say hi.  It's ridiculous.  I know people still think I'm a sub, which is fine, but I'm just getting tired of always having to explain myself, "no, I'll be here for the next four months, so it'd be cool if you said hi sometimes, because I'm going to think you're a bitch otherwise, and please don't friend me on facebook if you don't say hi to me in the Plymouth, because that means you're lame."  I've had that from a lot of people here, and I'm just amazed at the social amatureness of these folks.  It shouldn't matter if I'm a sub or not-common courtesy still exists, and you should say hi to people or smile at people that are in the same fucking orchestra that you play in for 3-6 hours a day.  Duh.  So anyway, that being said, I'm finding my way, and doing my own thing.  Yes, I do have a few friends here, but I don't have anyone that's really been my friend throughout the last few years, and it's hard to go from having close friends of longevity, to making new acquaintances that aren't really sure whether or not to invest in you personally, because you might leave.  Now that I've figured that out, I'm not so concerned, because I just don't care.  I initially felt like such an intruder on this pre-existent social hierarchy, but now that I've seen most people interact with each other, I'm not as concerned about my lack of social skills, frankly.  ( Pool-side Keg parties will bring out some suspect personality traits in folks.)I'm doing ok doing most things on my own, and that's how it's going to be, it seems.  I think I went the whole day without interacting with anyone, except for two brief conversations in the Plymouth.  But it was ok!  I ran 4.5 miles in 40 mins, which is terrific, and whenever I get concerned about my social well-being, I just go for a run at sunset, and get pummeled by the infinite beauty and wisdom of this little island at the end of the world.   You couldn't wish for a more beautiful crepuscular run.

People are starting to talk to me, little by little-I'm just impatient for people to get with it.  But for the next two weeks, I'm focusing on my trip to Boston, and my festival auditions, and that gives me enough to concern myself with that none of this really matters, except improving my tan.  That definitely matters.

Listening to: Sigur Ros

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Eighties Inspiration

I discovered today that my name, kayleigh, was the title and main subject of a bad eighties song.  I don't know how I feel about this, but it's sort of funny, if nothing else.  The British band's name is Marillion, and it's not a great song by any means.  I certainly never thought that my name would end up as the title of a pop song, especially with the correct spelling.  Unfortunately, this video has some tragic gothic animated pictures with it, but I think it's one of the better versions in term of sound quality.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Appearance Change

I've been enjoying sitting out on the beach, changing my appearance, that sort of thing.  It's been so bizarre to see what a teensy bit of sun will change in the pigment of my skin.  I've been doing really well-as a pasty white girl, I always apply sunscreen, or at least try to...until today in which I missed a huge chunk of my back, and now it hurts to wear a bra.  The rest of me is fine-I guess I  just need to do a more thorough spraying-sunscreen job.  Fail.  But otherwise, freckling wonderfully.

listening to: simon and garfunkel.
reading: moby dick.  After 24 chapters and 130 pages, the boat has FINALLY left the flipping shore.  It's whale time!
photo.JPG

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hip Pix

I'm starting to enjoy this posh beach life, and I'm also obsessed with this iphone pic app, hipstamatic.  Here's some of its handiwork...
Or these very nice Miami beachline ones.

I'm totally obsessed, now that I have so much time to be obsessed.  (Although I am not a total slug-I am slogging my way through Moby Dick, running on the beach, working on my tan, and practicing.)

Listening to: R.Kelly remixes.  Who woulda thought?

Friday, January 7, 2011

Endless

So I'm getting sort of settled here in South Beach, and I still can't stop listening to the rap/hip hop.  Like this




I totally have it stuck in my head, and I'm not sure why exactly, because it's not a great song, but it, along with a ton of mashups, is stuck in my head.  Any time I walk around South Beach, I hear hip hop and rap and electronic music, and that's starting to make me only listen to poppy stuff.  It's crazy.  Hopefully, I'll get over it soon.  Classical orchestra by day, hip hop by night.  Also like the new Kanye album.  Definitely recommend it.  I've listened to Runaway a gazillion times in the last week.