Please Stop Pretending We're Best Friends.

I just read this book that's entertainingly relevant to one of this year's dilemmas...how to deal with my now ex-best friend.  The book, "Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List," has a really stupid title, but is actually about two best friends, who un-best-ify in their friendship.  Naomi has always had a crush on Ely (who is a boy and happens to like boys) which has always affected their friendship.  She's almost always lived in a fantasy about this aspect of their friendship.  And then ely sort of accidentally canoodles with Naomi's current boyfriend, whom she doesn't like much.  And then the shit flies.  Despite it's targeted YA audience, (my maturity sometimes is operating at the level of a 16-year-old's), the book still deals with the issues of repairing a failed friendship, living in a fantasy (I know about that!), and cultivating forgiveness (not so good at that).

     While both of the characters are somewhat annoying at times, I definitely could identify with the emotional content of the book.  Naomi believes that she and Ely will eventually get married, and that they will be close forever.  Ely never thought that.  (Sound familiar?)  And basically, that's what the book is about.  Naomi realizing that fantasy isn't real, and Ely realizing that he can't throw people away like they're disposable.  I definitely can identify with the whole fantasy bit, because there's still a part of me that wants to be friends with Him (*I'm quite sure I don't need to use names here, right folks?*) forever, and there's this other part of me that just wants to cuss him out and scream at him.  We can't be good friends anymore, but I just can't completely discard him, and I still have this infinitely small part of me that wants him to change and go back to the way he used to be, back when I liked him more, back when he was nicer, and everything was simpler.  But time can only go forward.  

    Our friendship has been slowly crumbling this whole year, ever since the end of October, when he no longer needed me.  Sometimes I'm glad that we're not close anymore.  Other times I'm sad, since I had hoped (fantasy alert!) that everything would last.  I can't stand the way he acts now- like every moment is a show where his stupid sense of humor must be showcased and nothing can be taken seriously.  I hate how he doesn't care-about people, about animals, about politics, about global warming, about recycling, about anything else, really.  I realized this year that he's so clueless that he really has no idea what's going on in the world, nor does he care.  And I think that's sad.  Whether you are an atheist, a Christian, a Buddhist, or a Jew, time on earth is limited.  You may only have one chance to do the things you want to, and it would be a travesty to miss out on the opportunity to do good, help others, and grow as a person.  (or maybe I'm the only one that thinks that).  To only live for myself is not living at all, it's dying.

     Friendships come and go- I know that, but to have it slowly and agonizingly die over a period of months is much worse than having a fight and calling it quits.  I'd almost rather we have a cataclysmic fight, and then all of this denial would be over.  It makes me sad to only be contacted by him when he needs somethings- directions to a gas station, suggestions about what to play, what to wear for a wedding, books from the library, etc.  If you want to be someone's friend, ask them how they're doing first.  Then ask for the favor.  If you only ask them for favors, you're not friends anymore.  At least, you're not my friend anymore.  

      So please, please *&%^ stop pretending that we're friends.  You don't care about me anymore.  Maybe you never did.  And my fantasy is over.  I know you will never be the kind of friend I want: the kind that cares about puppies and women's rights and how plastic is the spawn of satan, and how books from a library save money, and how volunteering helps your soul.  I've found those friends elsewhere, and I will no longer be needing your services.  If you continue to need my services, I recommend that you call someone else.

Listening to: tunes from the library.  The Dodos, Petra Haden, and more.