Re-evaluating the circumstances

In a shocking turn of events, I've stopped hating orchestra, or at least, orchestra isn't the worst experience on earth, like it used to be.  After my illustriously tragic experiences at Eastman (Neil Varon?), I was totally and utterly put off by orchestra careers, and orchestra in general.  Between some challenging chairs, lazy people, and a cruel tyrant of a conductor, I was totally put off from doing anything orchestrally.  Before that, at NEC, experiences had been mixed at best, and never anything that I wanted to sign up for in a long term manner.  I basically didn't have any major positive ensemble experiences since high school, and my former enthusiasm for ensemble expired somewhere mid-undergrad.  I'm not really sure what happened exactly.  Somewhere down the line, I just stopped caring.  I didn't really think I had the patience for all the damn auditioning (I still don't think I do) and I didn't think I could have the same job for decades.  I was disheartened by the lack of enthusiasm that many orchestral musicians have for their work, and I was worried that I might lose my love of music.  These ideas still stand-I'm still not looking forward to auditioning, and I'm still not entirely excited by the moral and ethical situation of auditioning for jobs.  But, I don't hate orchestra right now.

Since I've moved back to Boston, I've finally worked with decent conductors, who are both artists and strong educators, and program a wide range of repertoire.  I've been playing with musicians who learn their parts and give it their all, if not all the time, then at least some of the time, which is a vast improvement from my previous orchestral experiences.  I've avoided orchestra for so long, because I've had such negative experiences, both with suspect repertoire,  (Scheherazade x 4?)  But I'm actually enjoying the ensemble experience, between working with good people, playing decent rep, and not doing too much Brahms.  (German romanticism is a separate issue-I still have a limited tolerance for that.)  I've also realized that while I love contemporary music most of all, I can still do that if I did an orchestral program of some sorts.  Tanglewood has a huge contemporary festival.  Spoleto is doing an opera by Sariaaho, which is super awesome.  If I only focus on contemporary stuff, I might limit my connections, my experiences, etc.  I haven't been able to audition for just anything since I've been stuck in the far north of the US, but now it's time to diversify.  Try different things.  Audition for something that's not-Canadian.

That doesn't mean I'll be taking the BSO audition anytime soon, or preparing for the multi-year professional audition track.  It just means that I'm shifting my priorities, expanding my options, and no longer hating on the orchestra experience.  last week, I saw the BSO play Adams' Dr. Atomic Symphonic and the "Miraculous Mandarin" by Bartok, and I was so dismayed to see so many members of the orchestra totally unenthusiastic about the music, miscounting, or just phoning it in.  What makes these musicians believe that contemporary music is something to half-ass?  Or that Bartok simply isn't fun?  I can still prefer a certain kind of music at the end of the day, but do a good job playing multiple kinds of music.  I've never thought about making the system work for me, or for creating opportunities for myself.  If I was in an orchestra, I could create a contemporary ensemble in the group, or write my own outreach scripts doing crazy stuff, or do a combination of the things I love.  Orchestra doesn't have to be a prison sentence, and I might actually enjoy it sometimes.  So I'm making a first step and applying for some orchestral festivals.  That's all I can handle now, especially after October, in which I was in three orchestral cycles simultaneously.

*On the bright side, I'm playing with a kirtan singer tomorrow night, and I'm working on a contemporary piece for viola, percussion, and piano for Steve Drury.  (So orchestra is good, but I can still do all the things I like too.  It just means that my room is a bit untidy.)