Lady Gaga and why she amuses me

I can't explain it. I don't usually like mainstream pop female vocals- usually the songs are bad (there's only so much American Idol shit I can take) and Miley Cyrus type videos and it's just bad. But sometimes, what's proportedly bad is really really effing weird. Like Lady Gaga. It's like Of Montreal on crack, in terms of the music videos. And I love it. The tunes are like a cross between Cher, Madonna, and Gwen Stefani (all Italian NY woman who died their hair, just like Lady Gaga.) And the tunes aren't great. But the videos and the weird fashion and sci-fi details and Blade Runner stuff is freaking amazing!

Take Bad Romance, for example. What the hell??? So many weird and fabulous things- the opening with the weird glasses, the creepy tombs with plastic sheeted bodies (remind me of Pan's Labyrinth and that character with the eyeballs) So many amazingly odd effects: the vertebrae popping out of her back, the crazy 12-inch heels, the bearskin dress...it's just ridiculous all over the place. It's everything weird that popular music should be...only stranger and less predictable. If only her songs didn't remind me of Cher's "Do you Believe in Life after love." It's that autotune stuff that kills it everytime, and that gemstone ensemble. Overall, it's amazing.

I also really enjoy Paparazzi, because of the ridiculous yellow outfit she wears in the end with the Mickey Mouse shit. It's so eighties and I just want it, but I'd never wear it.

I mean, gosh, I wouldn't wear any of this shit to school...ruffles aren't really practical to play viola in, but sheesh! I always wondered who paid attention to high fashion, and now I know! It's great to see clothing as art, rather than as brand names and prices and "in" looks. Everything she wears is so out there it's not even wearable. So anyway, I'm intrigued. And I think she's spoken for gay rights, so ha! She knows her fan base well.

Listening to: the new ANIMAL COLLECTIVE EP

Crazy Bitch in the Kitch: Part One

I thought I'd share some of my FAVORITE recipes and recipe alterations/tidbits for your seasonal days of baking, if you're into that. Let's start simple:

The Ultimate Oat Flour Cookies (technically, these are wheat-free, but depending on the celiac needs of your friends, there may be traces of wheat in the flour, and you should use another flour)---adapted from the postpunk kitchen www.theppk.com

1 3/4 Cup Oat Flour (organic is yummiest)

1/2 tsp baking soda (try to avoid arm and hammer- they test on animals)

1/4 tsp salt (sea salt!)

1/4 cup brown sugar (or raw turbinado sugar)

1/2 cup sugar (evaporated cane juice sugar, or I just combine the sugars to make 3/4 cup of what's on hand)

1/3 cup canola oil or melted margarine

1/4 cup soy milk

1 TBSP flax meal

1 tsp vanilla (alcohol free)

3/4 chocolate chips (milkfat/butterfat free)

So this is the easiest recipe ever- I can make it in like 6 minutes. Sometimes I race against my oven to see if I can beat it's preheating cycle. But anyways, mix the flax seed and soy milk together in a cup- this will be your "egg". Mix all the dry ingredients in one bowl, all the wet ingredients in another bowl, then combine them. Add yourself yo' chocolate chips, and you're in business. First of all, this is one of the yummiest batters ever, and it's vegan and there's no eggs. Bake them at 350 for 11-12 minutes for good gooey-ness, or for longer for softish.

Top secret optional alterations:

-substitute canola oil for a tasty peanut or walnut oil for a fab nutty flavor

-add spices of your choosing, such as cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, cardamom, etc, to make a really zesty cookie

-add dried cranberries and/or nuts to make it look more wholesome.

Julia's favorite applesauce cardomom Bundt cake: this is adapted from a food and wine mag submission from a few years ago that my dad passed on to me. I just veganized it, since I never have eggs on hand.

1. 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting: Use non bleached flour!!!!
2. 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar: see above
3. 2 teaspoons baking soda
4. 2 tsp cinnamon
5. 2 tsp ground cardamom : You can always do more with the spices- you can never have too much!
6. 1 teaspoon salt
7. 1 teaspoon ground cloves
8. 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
9. 2 cups unsweetened applesauce: Make sure there's no high fructose corn syrup in your Mott's!!!!
10. 2 TBSP flax seed meal
11. 4 TBSP water or soy milk
12. 3/4 cup vegetable oil
13. One 12-ounce bag semisweet-chocolate chips
14. Confectioners’ sugar, for dusting

This is a pretty self explanatory recipe as well- mix the flax seed and water/milk into a paste as you did before. Mix all the dry ingredients and all the wet ingredients separately, then add them and stir in choco chips. Pour into a 12 cup Bundt pan, which has been buttered/sprayed/floured. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hr, 15minutes then let cool for 20. Do the toothpick trick for the cake if you're unsure of doneness. If you're not into vegan stuff, just check out the original recipe and add your eggs in as needed.

Lastly, here's a seasonal link for your christmas tune enjoyment.

Hmm!

On Sunday, I had the good fortunate of winning (yes, me!) a competition (that involved viola!). This was indeed a rare occasion, since:

1) I learned the piece in 2 weeks.

2) I had been feeling quite poorly about my performance, intonation, and abilities as a musician for the week leading up to said competition, mostly due to Melissa Matson and the dreaded RPO audition.

But, I triumphed over my demons of doubt, which is a big deal, and now I get to play Harold In Italy in February, possibly on a much nicer viola than my own. Sigh. I also just discovered that I don't have to rerecord my NWS video, and that my computer was just being stupid and misreading the DVDs! That thrills me, since I have been having a hard time focusing.

But back to me and my competition. The best part is that there had been a lot of animosity from other competitors about the competition, especially from the other studio, and a lot of ego's were competing for the limelight. I laid low all last week, since I still felt badly about how I was playing, and in the end, I only wanted to do my best and not humiliate myself. Erin and Norbrian were so excited when I finished, they thought it was an amazing performance. I just thought I did ok. :) I also made sure to go to meditation 4-6 (good call!) and tried to just focus on confidence and success. And it worked- I just happened to win. But winning was never the goal-the competition just made me work hard and try to outplay myself.

So suck that, haters.

listening to: mgmt, various yo gabba gabba cameo videos.

being

Things have been recovering quite nicely- I had a really dramatic November 22nd, what with the RPO sub audition, and the continually perplexing behavior of our excerpt coach towards me. But my ego has resurfaced, as least with more confidence. Partially because I talked to Carol about it, partially because she wouldn't let me play meekly in my lesson, partly because I realized that I don't do music because I want to please other people. I do music for myself and for the music itself- the language of the dead and the living, which can only be translated by a small group of people. If nothing else, I have encountered repeated rejection here at Eastman: rejection by adjudicators, peers, and my body. But, I have also encountered sincere support from Carol, form Erin, from MJ: people who believe that I'm both a musician and a great person, and that I'm worthy. When the world is hailing hate, they're a fuzzy blanket that I can tie around my shoulders like a child superhero. Their kind words give me the ability to regenerate my own confidence, even if it takes days or even weeks. And the suffering? Well, it sucks, but better to do it now, when performances will neither make nor break my career. I wouldn't have it any other way.

listening to: department of eagles, grizzly bear

Why you might suck, even if it sounds ok

One of the issues I've been grappling with this week is what it takes to be a musician. Granted, it's not exactly a small issue, and I have a sneaking suspicion that other people think about this more often than I do, and have a variety of opinions on the matter. But since Wednesday, when Erin and I commiserated over the "boring-ness" of people here, I feel like I've been surrounded by signs of artistry and inspiration. All of the books I have opened have magically referenced said topic, and have corroborated my opinions on inspiration, emotion, and feeling. Here's some of what I've learned so far:

1) Great musicians are not great because they have technical facility or play in tune. They are great because they are artists, probing into "that almost indescribable realm of human depth." (Mastery of music, 7)

2) Music making can be thought of as mastery of technique, performance, and SELF. If you are on a journey to discover yourself and where you fit in within the world, and you long to communicate such an experience, you will affect people.

3) Artistry is such a loaded term. It's kind of a bullshit way of describing something that words cannot really do justice to. But we all (or many of us) can think of it in our lives. We can think of a time when a piece, a concert, a performer moved us to a place we hadn't been to before. We can think of a book, a painting, a play or movie that changed our perception of time, space, and the present. Artistry is undefinable, yet palpable.

4) Why do music? Why do any art? Because you have to. Not because it's lucrative (hardly), not because it sounds pretty (not always), not because it's what you're good at or it's easy (definitely not). You do art because you have to. On Thursday, on the way back from getting my car's oil changed, I heard an interview with Dolores O'Riordan of the Cranberries, in which she said, "I write songs because I have to. It's a process of getting inside myself-do I need to see a shrink? Maybe. I'll write a song about those issues." Peter Maxwell Davies said, "if nobody remembers my music ten years after my death, it won't matter...I compose because it is an ongoing process of self-refinement." Music making is as much of a process, and even though we don't actively create things in the way a composer does, we should be no less inspired, creative, and thoughtful. And yet, here and now, music making in the incubated environment of college is droll and lifeless, stale, and emotionless- people are filled with sawdust dreams, spewing empty words, with vacant eyes and a static heart of constancy. How can I, an inconsistent person with so many thoughts and feelings, scarred emotions and skin, compete with the hollowness? I don't know, but I try.

5) Bobby McFerrin has a beautiful quote which summarizes what I want from music, from art, from all things:

When I go to a concert, I don't want to leave the hall the same way I entered. I want transcendence. i want something to happen to me in there, so that when I elave the hall, I've been touched in a deep, deep way-by magic, by some holy accident. I'm singing this song, and all of a sudden I hear this voice in the balcony singing along with me. Something happens which makes people feel they have been asked to step outside themselves a little bit, to help create the musical space. That's what I want, and I think that is what everybody wants.

I've felt this so many times at popular music concerts- a moment when the crowd and the artist communicate as one thing, when a song touches everyone in a way they had not predicted, when you feel a deep inexplicable love for the performers, the audience, for the world. This is what I want to communicate. This is what I want to evoke, to create. Art has the power to change you-so why are people just fucking around here? I don't know. But I'll keep searching for it, for transcendence.

Quotes of note:

The light shines in darkness and the darkness has not understood it.

Nothing is better than music. When it takes us out of time, it has done more for us than we have the right to hope for: it has broadened the limits of our sorrowful lives; it has lit up the sweetness of our hours of happiness by effacing the pettinesses that diminish us, bring us back pure and new to what was, what will be and what music has create for us. -nadia boulanger

Music making is constructed of correct notes, correct rhythms, dynamics and articulation. But the mortar is human trust of self and others, belief in self and others, and love of self...if one believes that music is self-expression, then it should follow that one must have aself to express. Before one is able to conduct and evoke artistry...one must spend a considerable amount of time on oneself, on one's inside stuff.

awareness is a necessary condition for the artist in the world. Without awareness, there can be no growth, little honest music, and little love.

...many times, there is something missing in the sound: that something which provides a brilliance of color and accuracy of pitch that is unmistakable if one is listening. What is missing? What is missing to those who really listen is a humanness to the sound. A sound that is born because of the conductor's selflessness and understanding of human love through music.

-james jordan

currently listening to: the department of eagles. soooo good.

Of Love and Hate

These last two days have been rather interesting for me, combining glimpses of the best of humanity, and perhaps, the less savory side of things.

On the more banal daily occurrences, I played in studio class and it was pretty mediocre, by my personal standards, and the entire studio class was full of completely uninspired, emotionally lacking performances, which have since sent me on a quest of sorts to figure out why musicians don't think of themselves as creative artists. It turns out that this is a fabulous, self-reflective journey, and I'm already fascinated after an hour or two of reading and reflecting.

On the tragic side, Marylou Speaker Churchill, famed NEC teacher and former BSO player, passed away from Breast cancer on Tuesday. While we all knew that she was battling cancer for years, what was hardest for me was acknowledging that she was a Christian Scientist, which therefore believes that illness comes from sin, fear, or ignorance, and that one can only eliminate sickness with belief, prayer, and acknowledgement of the sickness. Christian Science has some really beautiful beliefs, about love, that God is in all of us and created us all, and that prayer can only work when backed by true unconditional love for all beings. While I can consciously allow the beautiful side of this religion to ring true with me, it is entirely impossible for me to accept someone's slow demise from cancer "because of sin/ignorance/fear." Cancer is one thing in our culture that we know NOTHING about. We don't know what causes it. We don't really know what cures it. We don't know why things get better and then get worse, and then you might die. Our western medicine is completely baffled by cancer in all beings, not just humans. And cancer is dangerous. So I can see why one might seek spiritual reinforcement for cancer treatment However, to knowingly and willingly refuse any form of treatment for cancer is masochistic. Marylou was diagnosed 6 years ago, at least, which really makes me believe that treatment and eradication could have been possible. I understand that if someone has cancer of the brain, blood, or various organs that rarely recover, they might not want extensive treatment, as those are the most dangerous varieties. But breast cancer? It's so treatable, as far as cancers go, and it pains me to imagine how much suffering she endured for all those years. On the flip side, she was such a radiant, supportive figure to her students, to violinists, to her children, and she truly lived the beautiful, loving part of her faith. But her faith may have killed her, and that's what hurts me the most, rather than her departure from this earth.

On a similarly negative side of things, I was informed that some of the girls in another viola studio were complaining how Carol's studio always wins competitions/orchestral seatings/etc, and here's how the dialogue unfolded, or how I imagine it:

"I heard that Georgina has the swine flu."

"Ooh- I hope she can make the rest of her studio sick before the Harold In Italy competition."

"Yeah, that would show them."

I am so thoroughly repulsed by such hateful, injurious words that it makes me ill to think of them. Who could wish ill upon anyone in such a way? And why would you want other people to get sick just so you might have a better shot at succeeding? I can't get over the hatred, selfishness, and truly repulsive behavior that this is, and it explains so much of the cruelty and suffering of humanity. I could never imagine such a thing, even when I haven't liked people. It's disgusting on a whole new level, that I never thought was possible. And so, I apparently have to play well, and play with love...Because the other team will be playing with hate.

There is a very fitting quote from Marylou that addresses this issue:

"There is a law of this universe which is so simple and so powerful and it literally wipes this fear out of your being, and it is this... 'perfect love casts out fear.' If you are actively engaged in loving your instrument, loving the music, loving the audience, loving the committee, loving your enemies, then there is simply no room for fear of any kind, and you will find yourself playing better than you expected."

Love is the movement. May we all live it.

Dear Rivers Cuomo,

Dear Rivers Cuomo (lead Singer of Weezer and famed wearer of black plastic glasses),

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????

If this video is any indication of things, then you have FAILED. You stole my heart with your 90's songs like "Only in Dreams," "Buddy Holly," and "Pink Triangle." You made me sensibilities smile with your geeky glasses and ugly sweaters. And then, you forgot to age, and continued writing the same songs, only much much worse, for the last 12 years. Here's the stats:

1) You were born in 1970, so you are 39 right now. And yet, your latest album has references to macking it with girls wearing Abercrombie. Are you a pedophile? Did you notice that you got married in the last years? Or did you miss that point?

2) Here are some of your lastest and greatest (worst) songs in the past few years: "We are all on Drugs," "Beverly Hills" (hate that song!), "Pork and Beans" and now this, this famed collaboration with Kenny G. Yes, Kenny G.

3) What inspired you to do this? Kenny G is a smooth jazz soprano sax player. "Hmm, just what my alternative rock song needs. Some smooth jazz. Oh yeah." Wrong. Fail.

4) Everything you do now is self-serving attention seeking behavior. Weezer snuggies. Working Kenny G and Chamillionaire? You are on "YO Gabba Gabba" in insect costume? Is there anything else weird that you are doing?

So, in closure, I'd just like to say that I'm very disappointed in you, Rivers. I thought I could fancy you forever, but now, you're just old, weird, and writing songs that appeal to the intellect of a 13 year old. Too bad.