A) take a "phatty" nap. (i.e. 3 hour nap.) Granted, I went to bed after 3 and woke up at 8.
B) Read Craigslist Personals. Here are some of the most recent winners:
"Looking for a Girl who fits my schedule."- The post had a small version of a spreadsheet schedule, and the instructions were "check out my schedule and see if we're a match."
"Looking for Girl with an awesome cell phone."- The post said, "Apple users need not apply."
"I want to bang a COUGAR!"- The ad then defined a cougar as an older woman who sexually pursues men 8 years or more her junior. Then, there was a pic of a cougar (cat).
"Lookin' to plunder a fine booty...perhaps swab yar poopdeck too."- Ad then said, "I be settin' sail and need a first matey. Wenches need only apply, no brutes allowed."
"seeking former hippie/hipster/twee." - "You will be the bonnie to my clyde. Between 21 and 28, older than your age. Care enough about yourself to keep yourself in shape and thin. somewhat self-actualized. likes paradoxes. vegetarian or vegan and not allergic to cats a plus. maybe you've been mistaken for a lesbian because of your haircut."
"College Student seeking to get married for financial aid benefits." -Enough said.
"I am no longer a sushi virgin and thus I must post."- "The abstract horror of dealing with this whole survival of the fittest ideal is really getting me down. I'm tired of competing- Darwin had no love for those of us who just want to relax-enjoy the short years we have on this earth lying on the green grass looking for buddha shaped clouds in the sky...Won't you join me??"
And while I like to think that I'm an equal opportunity reader, most of the "m4m" ads are quite pornographic, with titles like "looking to suck your *(&^ immediately" and "Uncircumcised welcome." So for now, we'll move on. I'm only interested in highly entertaining ads-these don't cut it. So let's look at "w4m"
"Country girl from heaven."- I'm scared.
"Seeking God-centered romance."-hmmm
"Must have teeth."- scary thought.
"Part teddy bear part butterfly."- Sounds like an attack of Lisa Frank zombies.
"any veggie guys?"- that makes me laugh.
"musically influenced beautitian". Sadly, she spelled beautician wrong.
'Seeking abercrombie type of guy...with a personality." -good luck with that.
"Are you the cheese to my macaroni?"- I just had to put that in. The juno lover in me appreciated it. In general, there were lots of posts with such words as social butterfly, teddy bear, angel, knight in shining armor, etc. Scary thought.
And for the grand finale, we will be examining "w4w", a category I've never perused before. I can't imagine that they would be as lewd as "m4m," but let's see.
"i'm like a waterfall!!!!"- I don't even know what means. I don't want to.
"Why can't people read?"- I agree. Good question.
"Wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."- LOVE it.
This was the category with the least ads. But quality tops quantity, eh?
I finished off the craigslist joy by perusing the "missed connections." There were some classy ads such as:
"Saw you at Wegmans", "You work at the Walmart Pharmacy," "Burger King window clerk," "In search of Cookie Nook cutie in Pink," "Sexy guy at library whering (sp!) grey white sweatshirt" (clearly she was at the library for a reason), "Andrew the AAA tow truck guy-I miss you," and more.
So what's the conclusion? People
A) lack fundamental literacy and spelling abilities
B) are lonely (and quite possibly sex-deprived)
C) are entertaining
D) post goofy ads so people like me can enjoy them.
In other news, I tried to make cookies, and instead got a congealed pile of cookie smush. The dough was excellent though- I don't know what went wrong. I made cookies with a different recipe yesterday with no problems.
Currently listening to: my ipod's on shuffle this week, so I've been enjoying lots of tune-age.
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