Airport 1: Overstimulation for Aiports

Holy mackerel.  I just got into JFK's new Jetblue terminal a half hour ago, and I'm floored, seriously.  I've never seen an airport quite like this.  Here's some of its AMAZING features.  

1) Edible Food.*  Not a sta

rbucks in sight, but instead these little bakeries that are probably corporate chains as well, but they serve illy coffee and have real pastries like croissants and the like.  Then, there's the new "Cibo" restaurants that have real sandwiches like egg salad on fancy bread with sun dried tomatoes.  Or greek yogurt and honey.  Or real produce!  Gone are the days of drinking juice from concent

rate in airports.  They also have a nice array of sit-down restaurants with super cool hipster nam

e

s like "revolucion" serving Mexican gourmet.  There's at least 3 bars that have that dark ambient lighting with white 

light fixtures for contrast that super's hot in clubs, but even more appealing in an airport.  And there's jamba juice!  That's just the beginning.

2)  Strange stores that are fun to look at, at least to waste time.  There's this cool Japanese stationery store called Moji or Moju, which has some unusual random things, like t-shirts in 3x3 inch boxes, or 3-d Christmas cards of cityscapes, or cool Japanese writing implements and paper and booklets. There's a Borders, which is also good to waste time in.  While I was there, a little boy said to his mum, "You know what?  I think Sponge Bob loves me."  Mom was slightly confused, and replied, "Sponge Bob loves you?  Did he tell you that?  That's great honey.  Now pick out a book."  I was amused though.  

3) Oddities: Ipod and PS2 vending machines.  I never thought i'd see such a thing, but basically, you swipe your credit card (naturally) and choose from a variety of technogeek things, from ipod shuffles to ipod touches, rechargers, winning pS2 games like "lego Indiana Jones" and more.  Shocking and yet amazing.  There's also a natural health center called "harmony" which has homeopathic remedies, including "bach", which is pretty amazing.

Overall, I'm in total awe.  The great thing about flying through NYC is the people watching.  in getting off the connection plain this morning, I felt like I was surrounded by the "hipsters" that Adbusters decried in their summer issue.  Twenty somethings in skinny jeans and riding boots, boys in old school plaid and skinny jeans and scarves, prepsters in Ralph Lauren and Sperry boat shoes, and more.  (Not to mention the women decked out in crazy formal stuff, and of course, the required sweatpants + uggs look worn by millions).  I love it.  Women with mullets that should be cut immediately, women with $700 LV purses that could be from Chinatown for $7, and men with serious satchels formally known as "mangs" I think.  (man+bag=man bag= mangs).    Oh wait, not to mention the free internet and these cool stations all around of electrical outlets.  I'm sitting at a station of approximately 50 outlets, so you could charge your ipod, phone, computer, brain...  Amazing.  No longer are you stuck cowering on the floor with your computer because your charger doesn't go more than a foot...or being silently covetous of the technogeek who's consuming a whole electric outlet or 4 with their gadgets, leaving yours to die...  Sigh.  No more!

Strangely enough, I woke up at 4:30 AM today, even though I only needed to wake up at 5:30 to get at the airport by 6ish.  So...I did some yoga and meditation.  And man do I feel GOOD for only getting 5.5 hours of sleep.  Now I understand with monks get up at like 4 or 3 everyday.  I feel like I can do anything, go anywhere, accomplish everything I need to.  The world is my OYSTER!  Oh wait.  I'm still in an airport.  I almost forgot.

Currently listening to: Mates of State, Deerhoof, Riley's "In C," the Decemberists' singles.  

*I'm SO pumped to not have to eat Dunkin' Donuts for lunch.  These pix are from the sushi bar and one of the regular super cool ambient bars.

Things Made and received: part 1

These are some things that either I have made, or have received...

This first beautiful object is a gift wrapped object by MJ- stylish gold and red wrapping paper, tied in red and 

yellow embroidery thread, with a brown wrapper around it that says "merry christmas Kayleigh Miller." with some rubber stamped stars.  Awesome.

The second item is my second completed sewing project- a whale that looks strangely like an elephant profile when placed sideways.  But it is indeed a whale.  I had some difficulties in reversing the fabric once I machine sewed it, which accounts for the child-like blanket stitches on the bottom...

This third item is my first *failed* sewing machine attempt.  It was trying to make a cupcake out of felt.  It instead looks like some kind of strange pencil eraser stuck in a cupcake wrapper.  It also has teeth, which makes its identity even m

ore ambiguous.  If you had the opportunity to see it in person, you would really appreciate how bizarre it looks.  But it at least reminded me how to use a sewing machine again, which is very important.  It also reminded me how terrible I am at sewing by hand... Picture later.

The fourth thing is my Christmas card, inspired by Blue's Clues Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper.  I made them out of paper, and while they look a little more obese than usual, the message is the same... "Seasonings' Greetings."

More pictures, made things, and thoughts on crafting to come!

Thoughts on Love

Today, I have to return my Thich Nhat Hanh book "Teachings on Love" and rather than write down my favorite passages, I'm just going to string them on here, since that way, I won't lose them.  He's a brilliant monk, and his thoughts aren't necessarily Buddhist-specific, although they can be.  He's just quite insightful, I'd say.

"Happiness is only possible with true love...For love to be true, it must contain compassion, joy, and equanimity."

Some lovingkindness meditations:

"May everyone be happy and safe, and may their hearts be filled with joy.  

May all living beings live in security and peace, beings who are frail or strong, tall or short, big or small, visible or not visible, near or far away, already born, or yet to be born.  May all of them dwell in perfect tranquility."

"May I/he/they be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.  May I be safe and free from injury.  May i be free from anger, afflictions, fear, and anxiety."

"Never in human  history have we had so many means of communication- television, radio, telephone, fax, email, the web- yet we remain islands, with little communication between family members, individuals in society, or nations."

"We meed to know the art of making the other person happy.  Art is the essence of life.  We have to learn the art of creating happiness."

"If you think you are alone, that is an illusion.  Our smile is also the smile of others.  Our suffering is the suffering others.  To see this is the realization of no-self.  You can touch the elements of happiness that are already here and be peace in the present moment.  It depends on your way of looking.   Please learn and practice the art of mindful living, th

e art of being happy and bringing happiness to others.  This is love.  This is living deeply in the present moment.  We rely on you to do it."

I just happened to find this book very interesting.  I would recommend it to anyone seeking to change their perspective on love.  It might be too whacko for some, but I liked it. 

Currently listening to: Arvo Part's choral works and Brian Eno's Music for Airports.

Kayleigh is...

As of late, I've noticed that I think in facebook statuses.  I no longer refer to myself as I, but instead as "kayleigh," at least in my mind.  Not only do I think in 3rd person now, I also think of the day's events as a series of facebook statuses.  I'll be sitting in the car, and suddenly I'll say, "Kayleigh is...not enjoying the bad truck drivers who are going 80 mph."  or "Kayleigh is...not looking forward to studying for three days."  This is not only strange, but slightly amusing.  

Here's today's status snapshot, more or less:

Kayleigh...

7:43 AM- wishes she could fall asleep again

8:00 AM- is amazed at how dark the morning is here

8:30 AM- is wasting time on the internet

9:00 AM- is watching mildly disturbing videos on youtube

9:20 AM- is wondering if it is Buddhist to buy books about Buddhism.  Or should I save my money and just meditate instead?  These suckers are expensive.

10:30 AM- is at yoga, and forgot how bad she is at twists.

Noon- is driving home in torrential rain and bad drivers.  Did you know that you must have your car headlights on while using windshield wipers?  It's the law here.

12:30 PM- is squeezing the last bit of food out of her refrigerator.  She's down to condiments, old jellies and tomato sauces, and tahini.  

1:00 PM- is wasting time reading about which Buddhist books she should read.  What could I be doing instead?

1:30 PM- is amazed at the formatting and grammatical crises of the Ph.D. applicatations in musicology and theory.

2:45 PM- is going to the library to hunt for Buddhist books.  Apparently, the Buddhist book path is expensive.

3:45 PM- feels like the whole day is gone.  

3:48 PM- has a fleeting doubt about being mature and adult-like.

4:00 PM- listens to Terry Riley's 'in c' in hopes that she will absorb all knowledge about 20th century music history.  She is avoiding doing any readings from Taruskin.

4:44 PM- wonders how anyone can be productive during this time of year.

5:00 PM- starts reading new book from library, despite the fact that she has 2 books that are halfway finished and are due at the library tomorrow.  

5:45 PM- is amazed that her shoulders really are THIS tight.

6:20 PM- ate cold leftover soup straight from the pot.  No sense in wasting good dishes.

6:30 PM- is amazed that even with 10 different pieces of black clothing, she never wants to wear any of them.

7:00 PM- is ushering, and is amazed at the social awkwardness of younger people.

7:45 PM- has a paper cut from handing out programs.  Lame.

8:20 PM- thinks that all choral music is about Jesus.  

9:00 PM- thinks that choral music is either about Jesus or falling in love, or falling in love with Jesus.

9:45 PM- is excited to be free from standing in her high heeled cowboy boots.

10:00 PM- is writing a blog that (probably) no one will read, but enjoys it anyway.  She knows that she has to go to a party later, but would rather snuggle in bed and listen to depressing music.  She'll get killed if she doesn't go.  (Monday?  Party night?  Hell no.)*

*This is only a fraction of the nutty things that go through my (ADD) mind.

Facebook statuses are like spying on people even more than facebook already allows.  It's like a commitment-phobic twitter: you're not expected to update hourly/every 10 minutes, although some people choose to do so. (And then you can tell that they've been sitting on their asses on the computer all evening.)What is perhaps the most frustrating is when people do the religious/political thing- I know that "God is great, and so are you" but maybe I don't want to hear about it every day.  Or maybe I don't want to see that you support (or hate) gay marriage.  Can't we keep somethings on the D.L.?  It just makes things soooo awkward, since surely, all 700 of your friends can't possibly all agree with you, and you're just making everyone uncomfortable.

 It's so funny- ten or fifteen years ago, you wouldn't have been able to know nearly as much information about people as you do now.  If you see someone at school that you've never met, you a) check them out on facebook and judge them, especially their pictures.  b) debate whether or not to friend them.  c) spy on their wall.   Then, when you see them again, you'll think "oh my god- their pictures were so_____ "(fill in the blank).  He/she/it is so______ (gorgeous, strange, etc.)"  So when you meet people that you think you haven't met, it turns out that they know all this stuff about you- your favorite movies, where you went last summer, who your friends once were, what you do in your spare time, and if you have incriminating photos.  It is SO rare to meet people and not be worried about what they know or don't know, or whether you've seen them in compromising positions photographically.  At the same point, it's deliciously fun to spy on people.  So what does that make me?  A hypocrite.  But I don't judge---too much.  (Unless you're hogging my mini-feed.  Then it's war.)

Currently listening to: Mates of State- Bring it Back.  Arvo Part- sad depressing choral works.

Personal Ads

I love to look at personal ads.  Maybe I'm a sadist or a nut, actually, I'm probably both, but they are absolute hysterical.  People advertise themselves so crazily.  It's easier for people to post some random information about themselves online than speak to someone in a public place or to greet people at work or school.  Some of my favorite personal ad lines:

"Slave Looking for a Mistress to use and abuse me.  I am obedient and willing." * S&M

"Let me give your breasts the attention they deserve." *just weird.

"Hot single Latin, black, or Asian girl sought by single white male who wears a corset." *cross-dressing?

"Snowmobile partner lady wanted." *strange.

"Where is her?" *grammatical dysfunctionality.

"Single Man seeking a relationship with a lactating female."  *entertaining.

"I have herpes, and so do you!" *bizarrely funny.

"My life is going too well.  Could you ruin it?"  the continuation of this one is: 

"Lately, I've noticed things have been going well.  I've got a promising future.  I'm moderately talented at my job.  Things are stable.  This is bad.  You see, i've become bored.  That's why I need a woman in my life.  Not just any woman!  I need a very special woman.  The kind of woman that will devastate me emotionally, socially, and financially.  Are you that woman?  Here's a short list of the qualities I'm looking for: Be complete insecure about yourself, especially physically.  Fly apart with jealousy when I talk to any other woman for any reason.  Throw huge tantrums over things you won't care about the next day (locking yourself in the bathroom is a plus.)  Change moods instantly and without provocation.  Scream at me in public when you're upset.  Use my money to buy things you don't need and will never use.  Play passive-aggressive mind games.  Show up at my office in the middle of the work day sobbing over some small thing.  Convincingly threaten to leave me at least every other week.  Cheat on me.  Father issues and mental disorders are nice but certainly not required.  

If this sounds like you, please email me."

* sounds like he's had some bad relationships in the past.  Just a guess though.

I get the impression that our society's concept of dating and woman is a little warped, perhaps?I don't know what it all means exactly, but it doesn't bode well for that whole 'true-love', not divorcing a million times sort of thing.  It's like the more methods of communication we possess, the less able we are in actually communicating in person.  (or at all, for that matter.)  We'd all rather email someone than talk to them on the phone, or god forbid in person, and obviously, putting a ridiculous personal ad on the internet is a relatively anonymous way to post your secrets of a bizarre sexual nature.  If confronted in person, you might strongly deny said post, and in fact say that large lactating mammaries are not one of your fetishes, even if craigslist says otherwise.  Strange.  

independence?

what does it mean to be independent?  i feel like there's a fine line between independence and solitude, and i don't know where the line is.  is there a limit to how much i should pursue my own agenda without heed to other people?  can my own successes mean something without a relationship with someone else?  i'm not really sure.  while society bombards me with mixed messages about independent women who are also good housewives, i'm not quite sure what it all means.  i wonder sometimes when the time is when too much aloneness means you're a recluse, rather than an 'independent' spirit.  at the same point, being solely dependent on other people means that you're incapable of dealing with yourself, which is a more frightening matter at hand. images of feminism and the role of women in society have been percolating in my brain, thanks to jucispeak, and it's making me question the more 'liberal' roles for women that are supposedly endorsed.  

how can women reconcile their nesting and child-birthing hormones with their desires to pursue their own dreams?  how can they appease their families and their own consciences that may simply say 'you cannot be loved like this' or 'you're not trying hard enough'?  i'm sure other people have this problem- it's just been in my mind more lately because of my friends who are getting married/engaged and the issues that they are presented with.

currently listening to: somebody still loves you, boris yeltsin.

Change is Good, if you can take it.

This hasn't exactly been the easiest semester.  I thought, last spring, that I wanted a change.  A BIG change.  A new school, a new city, a new life, living alone, etc.  I'm pretty sure I was wrong.  I didn't want anything to change, so I signed up for the most extreme change I could have.  (except living at a yoga ashram-  that's beyond extreme)  And i'm realizing now that I didn't want it, at all.  I loved everything before- I loved walking everywhere, having roommates, the safety of the city, the beauty of the parks, the proximity of Whole Foods, the yoga community and wonderful studios- the community of people I had in music.  And all of that has been absent here, and I have just barely acclimated.  Rochester is not an amazing city- it's frightening to walk at night anywhere, (and can be eerie during the day too), the yoga studios are so different, the Wegman's leaves something to be desired, and I have felt as though I have no community here in Rochester, except a few fantastic people who have saved from perpetual solitude.  A few weeks ago, I was disturbingly upset, because I was thinking how things could have been if I had stayed in Boston, if I had continued the Utopian life I led.  Everything frustrated me- orchestra, classes, people- everything was like a warped reminder of my former warmth.  I wanted to hold on to the friendships from before without adding new ones, and I was afraid that my friends would find new friends that were better than I could ever be, leaving me alone.  

Everything ends.  I have "issues" with that.  I don't want people to die, to move, to break up with their boyfriends or girlfriends, to grow up, to get old, to behave differently.  Everything is moving so fast, and I'm just sitting in my kayak watching the rapids take everyone away.  I'm too afraid to join- too afraid I'll sink, that I'll get caught, that the changes will be for the worse.  But I can't go upstream.  Gatsby tried that, and failed.  It's time to stop moping and find joy in what I do have, rather than comparing it to what I once had.  Because this too will end, as will I, and you, and everything.  

Listening to: Sigur Ros' agaetis byrjun.